In the process

[newmama]

Piano, I posted on your new thread!
Thanks, all, for checking in on me during the dry spells (aka lack of drama!)

Well I just got back from visiting my childhood best friend. S and I drove down last night for her 4 year old son's b-day party today. She is one of those supermoms but seems stressed out more than happy. I mean I think she is generally happy but has so much on her plate!

Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately is just how hard marriage is and how there are plenty of "dull" times or just being caught up in life and not with one another. We get busy with kids, jobs, family, events and neglect to check in with one another....it is a fact. I feel less guilty every day for my shortcomings because I realize that there is only so much we can juggle at one time.

If I were still married, I think that I would have had some serious, sad, disturbing but important "arguments" and then would have reflected and changed my shortcomings. I mean it is hard to hear criticism but it is necessary in order to change, right? The problem is that exH didn't give me the opportunity because he didn't bring them up until AFTER he was involved with OW. Too late--it then turns to a justification for LEAVING rather than an opportunity to improve the marriage.

I have been thinking about the ease of being responsible only for oneself (plus a child) instead of worrying about pleasing and taking care of a spouse on top of it all. The guilt of taking time for oneself and neglecting the spouse...the pressure of fitting it all in (spouse and S and job and friends and self and spouse).

It is hard as hell to take care of a child by myself. But I do have some built in "breaks" due to the divorce/separation where exH takes S. I wouldn't have that while married...I have no clue how that would feel or look like with a husband in the picture.

Bizarre stuff. Don't get me wrong- I would still prefer to juggle it all and be married(there are soooo many benefits to being married) but it is weird to see some silver linings to not being married. I feel very vulnerable sharing that with you all!!!