Me: 39 H: 35 M: 17 T: 20 Sep: 8/30/10 over the phone!
Where to begin? I am active duty military currently deployed but am returning home in 30 days. WAW said she wanted to separate and eventually D, coincidentally this happened right after her 35 b-day. We have been T since she was still in high school and have 5 kids. Due to my job we have only seen each other about 40 days out of the last 18 months. I love my W dearly although I guess I haven’t shown it in recent years. She feels we just have a functional, un-passionate relationship and she wants more. Throughout our marriage I have often been gone and she has had the burden of everything. When we were apart after work was done I would go to the bars with the boys and she would be home with the kids. She has resented me for years over it. She asked me to stop but I didn’t because I didn’t see the harm in it. I have only recently been back to sea duty. For the past 4 years I was at a shore assignment and should have been able to be with her every night. I took a second job because financially things were tight and I have always prided myself on being a good provider…what I didn’t realize was that I was losing her the whole time. I would often complain about the house being a mess, or get into arguments with our oldest Son. I just wasn’t a pleasant person to be around. We hardly ever cuddled or talked, I guess the passion in our marriage had gone away. She also caught me looking at porn on the internet so that was another issue.
During our recent time apart she thinks I have cheated on her, which I haven’t. While we were apart, I did have an inappropriate phone call with a girl I knew from high school, but I also told her about it. Since she lives in Florida and I am now stationed in California she said she just wanted an open marriage…so she could do her thing and I could do mine. That she didn’t want to divorce right away due to the kids and financial reasons. When she told me she wanted to separate she signed up for an online dating service and also bought a new cell so she could have internet and text. She has been texting and sending pictures back and forth to several different guys…I know this because it shows up on the phone bill. Since I got the news I have been on an emotional roller coaster, and have probably done everything wrong. I am still in love with my W and I don’t want to lose my family, but I have gone pretty much crazy since she told me. I have pleaded with her in emails and on the phone. I have also been nasty to her in emails and threatened to cut her off financially…mainly because I am paying for the dating site and the cell phone. She has been leaving the kids with MIL so she can go out. Everything she complained about me doing she is now doing. I would love to be able to take her out and do those things together, she never wanted to go to clubs or anything like that in the past. But now that she has decided to leave me, she is doing those very things. I am completely lost and desperate to fix my marriage, but I know I can’t be in a marriage by myself and I don’t know how to convince her that things could be different for us if she would give it another chance. Is it too late?
