Please try not to lull yourself into a sense of false security. Each time you get close to taking a new step you decide you feel okay and strong and you don't end up doing it. You are going to do this because you know you need help. It is going to be one of the BEST things you have ever done for yourself.
And you want to know something else? The vision you have for your home and schedule is the first vision I have heard you post that is all about you and your son. I like it! It sounds lovely. So what if you can't achieve all of that right now - the important thing is you have a vision and goal that is all for you. Heck, I will hop on the train to where you live and we'll get your home whipped in to shape in no time!
You will be able to achieve all of that - one step at a time. And your son is certainly old enough to be pitching in with chores. You and your son both deserve a clean, organized and well run home to live in and sooner than later you will have that!
Now look - you are NOT out of whack so lets quit saying that right now. What you are is somebody who has been deeply traumatized and you need some extra help restructuring your life. Um, hello!!!!!!!!!!!! I get it! I lived it!
You are NOT incompetent as a parent or adult. And slowly but surely you will start getting it all together. You should print out the post you made about what you want your home and life to be like and take it with you to treatment. Let it be your own personal road map of goals and aspirations.
I think I told you this before but I will tell it again. One of the most profound moments (days actually) of my life was the day my family showed up to take me (if I did not comply) to the dr. And when my dr. called the psych I overheard her say to him "this is a broken woman who needs immediate treatment". And you know what? She was right. I had an actual nervous breakdown and I assure you I don't say that in jest. Let me tell you... when I get broken I do it right
Never mind your H in all of this. You can deal with him some other time. It doesn't matter if you let go or not because he is going to do what he pleases 'cause he is a special kind of ass in that sense. Right now this is going to be ALL about you.
I am really proud of you. And you are going to be proud of yourself. The best thing about feeling broken is realizing when you are all busted up there is nothing more to do than rebuild. It's going to take time and work but it *will* happen. Please believe me.
