I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned ..

[PEI]

'scuse me while I sip some red wine with Missher.

Sip??????

[PEI]

Is there something deeper T that you really need to face?

Maybe it is not something that you need to “fix” per se…maybe it is something that just needs to be acknowledged?

I am not sure BUT I know that deep inside yourself is the answer.

Maybe this was just a bad day – I’m sorry to say T – I don’t think so.

I think…you need to dig. You can do it.

Will you want to?

Keep writing….keep exploring…

I'm facing all kinds E, still diggin' and exploring (thanks for that lilac handled shovel with the glitter, works like a charm) ... but honestly, mostly just a bad day. I let myself get tired - a major NO-NO for me if I want to stay on top of things and objective and sane!

I'm continuing to look at myself, at my fears, at my behaviour, at my marriage, at my anger, at my insecurities ... looking at the WHYs ... and you know ... for the fist time in a very long time, maybe even ever ...

Accept YOU T

I'm livin' this ^^^.

Lots of work to do but in Pink's words ...

I am learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes

Thanks all ... today is a much better day ...

Today I choose ... chocolate!

Peace
PEI

[MHL]

My wife and I looked at each other. I noticed our oldest while affecting a dis-interested teenager sloutch on the arm chair had pricked his ears up.

"We didn't really like each other very much at the time, but we both worked hard on ourselves and worked hard on being married."

"Oh," he said, "I am glad you did, I'm going to have to remember that."

And it is stuff like this that keeps me in the game a little bit longer....thanks Jack

PEI,

It will come, in time. Glad you got it out and I also like the second post better.

When things aren't exactly going great we tend to look at everything that isn't picture perfect and then add that to our "pile" of stuff to do, and.....well you start to feel like do.

Glad you got some perspective on things.

Cheers

[PEI]

Time for a little update ...

So the pity party is long over ... thank God! My PMA is firmly back in place and I’ve been GALing to beat the band. Just got some pics back from the photographer (me and the kids ... something I had been putting off because it was a reminder) and they turned out great - I am so pleased with them (even a couple of me - and I used to hate having my pic taken!). Feel free to check them out on the alt.

H and I have agreed to sit with the MC we were working with back in the spring to discuss any outstanding issues we cannot agree on. First and foremost the amount of exposure the kids are getting to OW. I’ve decided to do a 180 here and pretty much just “shut up” . H said in an email to me the other day that he has been doing a lot of reading of research on the topic and I responded that I was appreciative of the effort he was making and that I knew we were both interested in what was best for the kids. MC used to be the coordinator of the “Positive Parenting from Two Homes” course that we are both signed up to take after Christmas so I’ve decided to just let her put the info out there, listen if he asks questions, respond if asked direct questions but pretty much just ride it out. My kids are not in physical danger and if they feel like Daddy doesn’t spend enough time with them, well, frankly, it’ll be his issue to deal with as it manifests itself in their relationship with him. My focus is going to be on providing them with a very open, communicative and stable environment at our house.

One question for y’all ... any ideas on any other topics, if any at all, I might want to bring up at this meeting since we have the benefit of the objective third party? Quite honestly, we seem to be doing a very good job of communicating re financials and scheduling ... we haven’t talked about the holidays yet, but if we stay true to form I can’t imagine having much trouble working it out.

Had H’s two older sisters and their daughters over for supper last week. It was really nice as I hadn’t chatted with them in a while. They are both incredibly supportive of the work I’ve done and in me moving forward with my life. After SIL1 left, SIL2 and I continued to chat and got a little more indepth about personal growth, mirror work etc. She is facinated by all of it, having done a lot herself in the last 10 years.

When H and I spoke briefly last week about the “amount of exposure” issue, at one point he turned to me and with a dejected look on his face said “I just want to live my life” ... and at that point I was reminded of the pain he is feeling on the inside. He is desperately trying to build his happiness and he is obviously still searching for it. Not that it changes what I am doing or why, but it did help me to resurrect the compassion I had for H ... I think that his “apparent” happiness had distracted me. So, compassion and understanding back in place along with PMA and all is well

Interesting side note: Spoke to a friend today who got a call last night from her girlfriend, we’ll call her D. D works for the same company as OW’s friend K. So K was having a chat at work about OW and H which D overheard, and at first didn’t pay much attention to. As she caught the details she realized that although she didn’t know me, the sitch was familiar (PEI is a small place!) ... anyway ... to make a long story short OW’s friend K was talking about how OW has basically cut off all her friends and now OW and K are not even on good terms because K was friendly to me. OW had a hissy fit when she found out that K was considering hopping in with me when I drove to Boston a few weeks ago to catch my flight to LIVE LF. It’s nice to not feel emotionally attached to any of that, and also reminded me that the appearance of happiness is not necessarily the existence of happiness and I need to be watchful for any effect that stress might be having on my kids.

Peace,
PEI

[TAMF]

Hey girlfriend - sounds like you are doing good. especially going to a MC and talking about exposure to the OW. This is a hard core subject for me. You have little kids though and the transition into that new relationship might not be as difficult (I HOPE for their sakes)as older kids who totally understand what this OW represents (as my kids do). My kids flat out told their dad they never ever want to meet her, ever. My D12 told her dad that she would hate the OW forever and she hopes she disappears.

If my H and I are unable to make our relationship work, this is going to be a horrible step for my children to overcome.

[PEI]

Feelin' crappy and cranky today. And yes ... I'm venting.

There is just so much of this sh!t going on. So many damaged marriages and broken hearts. I came to the boards today hoping for inspiration and hoping to maybe pay it forward and I just couldn't post. I had nothing to offer today.

H texted me that he was Christmas shopping this weekend and buying the kids expensive stuff ... and I'm wondering where the $ to pay for Christmas is gonna come from.

I am in love with a man I can't have. I can't come home to him, cook him dinner, watch a movie with him. I'm dealing with this fact. I really am. I'm living my life and moving forward. And it still sucks. And even though it sucks, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've learned so much from him, about love, about life, about me. Still sucks.

I feel like an angry 3 yo ... I just want to stomp my feet and scream "ENOUGH ALREADY"!!!!!!!

ENOUGH for B-lady. That is some f'd up sh!t. Lesson learned! I don't know her all that well, but trust me when I confidently say "SHE GETS IT!"

ENOUGH for so many of the posters on this forum .... so many that are doing the work and living their lives and still have such craziness coming at them.

ENOUGH for the children caught up in all these messes.

Bleh. And yes, I'm ranting ... I feel crap that I haven't felt in a while ... rejected, lonely, tired, hurt, angry, you name it.

The good news is that I also feel strong, capable, smart, beautiful, loving and real.

I'm all over the fukcing map. But it's my map.
Peace
PEI

[dl443322]

Sweetie, we all have those days.

Let it out. All of it.

Then remember what you have, what you've learned. Remember that no one knows what the future holds. And remember that
you are so very special.

Thanks for your words and prayers.

I wish peace for you, my friend. In your heart, your mind, your soul and happiness and fulfillment.

[ericmsant2]

Hey T

Stop it! Fu*k your not getting some sweet..."I will be okay" post from me.

My post is this...

Get the f*ck off of the pity party express, pick your as* up and keep moving!

So many damaged marriages and broken hearts.

Yeah I see this too...know what else I see?

People who are working hard to move thru this process. People who are facing fears and killing demons.

I had nothing to offer today.

Ya don't always have to give...it's okay to receive too.

I'm wondering where the $ to pay for Christmas is gonna come from

I'm not gonna give you the old..."they will understand" - nope. What I will say is....YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO TO GET SOME EXTRA MONEY - DO IT and stop f*cking around!

ENOUGH for so many of the posters on this forum .... so many that are doing the work and living their lives and still have such craziness coming at them.

Would any of us have done the work had it not been for the bomb? AND here is the real kicker...how many of us, f*ck that would I - continue to do the work had I still not had to deal with the craziness? Hmmmmmm I guess a question we all need to ask ourselves. Vent away girl - I feel ya and hear ya - just remember what brought us to that place to look inside. For me, it will never be enough!

ENOUGH for the children caught up in all these messes.

This one I'll agree with. Out kids...our babies...will they suffer? Yep - in some way shape or form they will. DO we have to help pick up the pieces for them? Yep. Do some of our spouse get a free ride? yep. Guess what? How will the kids views this when they are 35 or 40 and going thru the same thing. Will they go to our MLC spouse OR will they come to us? I think I know the answer. We are investing in the future T.

i'm all over the fukcing map. But it's my map.

Yep....like your driving to Cycle city over in the state of MLC land. So where the next stop on YOUR map?

How about....

Stopping at....

"Pick my as* up and keep moving" - USA!

Eric

[PEI]

Stop it! Fu*k your not getting some sweet..."I will be okay" post from me.

Surprise ... surprise ....

So many damaged marriages and broken hearts.

Yeah I see this too...know what else I see?

People who are working hard to move thru this process. People who are facing fears and killing demons.

I get it. Jeepers ... do I ever get it! I'm the first to say I am a better person for the experience ... but c'mon ... can't tell me you've never thought ENOUGH!

I had nothing to offer today.

Ya don't always have to give...it's okay to receive too.

Thanks for the reminder E.

I'm wondering where the $ to pay for Christmas is gonna come from

I'm not gonna give you the old..."they will understand" - nope. What I will say is....YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO TO GET SOME EXTRA MONEY - DO IT and stop f*cking around!

You are absolutely, 100% right ... I'm making calls and setting appointments this weekend. I am actually setting a goal right now of booking 4 appts. There.

ENOUGH for so many of the posters on this forum .... so many that are doing the work and living their lives and still have such craziness coming at them.

Would any of us have done the work had it not been for the bomb? AND here is the real kicker...how many of us, f*ck that would I - continue to do the work had I still not had to deal with the craziness? Hmmmmmm I guess a question we all need to ask ourselves. Vent away girl - I feel ya and hear ya - just remember what brought us to that place to look inside. For me, it will never be enough!

Agreed. I would not have done the work, would not be doing the work if it weren't for the bomb and ensuing craziness. And honestly, my sitch is pretty tame compared to some - I get it - I just really feel for some on the boards ... some who seem to have more than their fair share of crazy.

i'm all over the fukcing map. But it's my map.

Yep....like your driving to Cycle city over in the state of MLC land. So where the next stop on YOUR map?

How about....

Stopping at....

"Pick my as* up and keep moving" - USA!

Geez ... that would mean crossing the international border AGAIN this year! And last time I lost a bottle of rum
... oh well ... not like I don't like to travel!!!


Thanks E. I needed that. Again.
Ya could have warned me ...
Peace
PEI

[punkin]

Pei,

Yes, perhaps Eric is right and you needed that, BUT, I like to think that sometimes we get to shut down, quit being the strong one, the stable one, and just have a meltdown. We deserve it. For women, crying is a release that most men won't allow themselves, until they blow up inside. And I don't just mean body fluid dripping out of our eyes and nose by crying. I mean the cringing, brain numbing, hair pulling, abdominal cramping of letting out the pain we feel. Even if we've been at this awhile, we still need and should allow ourselves these moments. There are times I want to pick up the phone and call H so badly, even now, after so long a time. Comes with the territory, I guess.

Nice to have a tutu wearing, 'Rican cheerleader on the sidelines when the games get rough, isn't it?