2 years later it's still not getting easier

[missmyfriend]

Whitney, I have to say, and this is not my preaching but sharing about me, I don't know how I would cope without giving this up to God. Again, I am talking about me and not anyone else as I say this. I have been a Christian for a pretty long time but you sure couldn't tell by how I conducted myself. Yes, my family was more important than most other things in my life but personally I was selfish. Even when my wife told me she wanted to leave, knocking the wind out of me because I never would have thought we would ever separate let alone divorce, I started to "use" God to try and get her back instead of putting Him first. It wasn't until I realized that I was missing the whole point, i.e. having a real relationship with Him, all my other relationships were really one-sided. When I say one-sided, I was trying to control everyone else because it was about how I wanted to be treated and what I could get out of the relationships. I was really, really nice to people overall but it was so I would get something back. If a person wasn't reciprocating, I get hurt and angry.

For me, when I started reading scripture, it became a users manual of how God expected us to treat others and how to act, inside and out. With God, you can't be fake. Before this happened, I knew some basic rules about what He expected but I chose what I wanted and threw out the rest.

Whitney, what I am saying is, I don't know how to tell you how to handle the situation with your wife except from what I have read out of scripture. I know that I promised God (and my wife) that I would love her and protect her until the day one of is no longer living regardless of what happens. I reread my vows and it told me to do these things in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, etc. I couldn't see anywhere where it said to me that I will only do these things as long as she adheres to her promises. In fact, as I was rereading my vows, I realized that even though I was facing my wife, I was telling God that I promised Him I would be forever faithful.

When I read what your wife is doing, I can't know why she is doing those things. Could she be using you? Maybe. I am responding as if I were you and your wife was my beloved wife that I miss with every fiber of my being. I would hate for her to leave our family to go to a party but at the same time, I would cherish the time we spend together. And I can't help but think that somehow, inside your wife she will eventually see how empty the party life is and that when all is said and done, family is what is most important. The challenge is that she is a child again at this time and will act like a child.

I have to go for now and I seriously hope that sharing how I am dealing with my sitch, isn't making you or anyone else who reads this uncomfortable. It is just that I can admit there is no way I could be handling this on my own.

MMF