Haven't Yet Found My Way

[Mystik]

I'm feeling incompetent and inept as a parent and as an adult. I know DS deserves better than a mom who cries all the time and a messy home because Mom can't cope with life. I would love to be one of those adults who have it all together. Get up early, make lunches, have smooth mornings, get to work on time, work all day then come home and make a great dinner and spend lots of time with their kid before putting him to bed and having a relaxing evening alone in their neat and cozy living room. That is so not me. I can barely get up in the morning, they are a hectic rushed mess, and when I get home I have no energy or desire to do anything but park myself on the computer after helping DS with his homework. And even that is too much some days. As for bedtime, I go to bed with DS. Haven't done any of DS's homework this week. Was in a bad place Monday and Tuesday, he was with his father last night and now it's tonight and he hasn't had dinner or his bath yet. I don't even know where in this mess that is my living room his homework is.

I can see this image in my head of what I would like to be, but don't believe I could ever achieve it. I'm too disorganized, too out of whack to ever get there. I just don't have the ability to be all pulled together.