I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned ..

[PEI]

Feelin' crappy and cranky today. And yes ... I'm venting.

There is just so much of this sh!t going on. So many damaged marriages and broken hearts. I came to the boards today hoping for inspiration and hoping to maybe pay it forward and I just couldn't post. I had nothing to offer today.

H texted me that he was Christmas shopping this weekend and buying the kids expensive stuff ... and I'm wondering where the $ to pay for Christmas is gonna come from.

I am in love with a man I can't have. I can't come home to him, cook him dinner, watch a movie with him. I'm dealing with this fact. I really am. I'm living my life and moving forward. And it still sucks. And even though it sucks, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've learned so much from him, about love, about life, about me. Still sucks.

I feel like an angry 3 yo ... I just want to stomp my feet and scream "ENOUGH ALREADY"!!!!!!!

ENOUGH for B-lady. That is some f'd up sh!t. Lesson learned! I don't know her all that well, but trust me when I confidently say "SHE GETS IT!"

ENOUGH for so many of the posters on this forum .... so many that are doing the work and living their lives and still have such craziness coming at them.

ENOUGH for the children caught up in all these messes.

Bleh. And yes, I'm ranting ... I feel crap that I haven't felt in a while ... rejected, lonely, tired, hurt, angry, you name it.

The good news is that I also feel strong, capable, smart, beautiful, loving and real.

I'm all over the fukcing map. But it's my map.
Peace
PEI