Saw things clearer once you're in my rearviewmiror

[ImprovedRomeo]

Awww wii it's the only nice thing you've ever said to me in all these years- must be your cold But seriously, thanks! I have definitely improved but I continue to clean out my closet...who knew there was so much crap in here- hey how come we didn't divide this sh*t up in our divorce settlement, I'd better call my damn L But looking back I think the fourt things that helped me were (hopefully this might help others here):

1. Getting out of the victim mode. Yes I was done horribly wrong but how long will I continue to be a victim? feel sorry for myself or want people to feel sorry for what I went through? Yes it was absolutely horrendous but feeling bad for myself is only productive for so long after that it wasn't changing a damn thing. I was treading water. My dad is very compassionate yet a man made of steel and I always looked up to him for that. I want my DD to see me as a strong man. I have to show her that you can bounce back from even the most difficult times in your life. Life is tough but it's tougher when you don't stand up to it.

2. Not being a martyr. This isn't a Hollywood story. If I did I would give STBXW way too much power over me. No one, especially one that hurt me will ever get the privilege to control my destiny.

3. Realization that I'm not a perfect person, husband, dad or a friend but I'm complete and whole and I will always try to be the best I can be. I will make mistakes but I will learn from them and try again. I will extend the same courtesy to others. I'm compassionate, loving and caring to those who treat me with mutual respect and love.

4. Laughter. It has amazing healing powers.

I'm persistent and hard headed- once I decide on something I will almost always attain it. When STBXW left me last time I was hell bent on winning her back, I was persistent, I didn't listen or care what anyone including her said. I even told her during our separation when she wanted nothing to do with me 'you know me when I want something I always get it'. And I did. This time...no more. I've realized she can't give me what I want i.e. trust and honesty. I'm not the one to give up on people I love but when people give up on me so easily it's time I moved on.

I try to help others here just as others helped me in my time of need. I'm just paying it forward. However, I know from my own experience that you can't make anyone get somewhere until they do on their own. I could turn blue talking (and sometimes I do like right now lol) but it won't do any good to those who are just not there yet. But they will get there sooner or later and that's when my words may make some sense. I know because I was in their shoes for a long time.