Good morning everybody, here is another long post...

Well, we had our talk, in two parts. It felt kind of weird, maybe because we were sitting inside my car, side by side and not facing each other... I do not know.

He still wants the separation. He says that he does not know what he wants, that he feels 'boxed in', that he needs time and space to think. He asked me not to go to the lawyer or ask for a court date until then. He wanted 2-3 weeks to go away somewhere and think, decide what he really wants... He admitted he did not know if he wanted to stay married for me or for our D (and has the same doubts about me).

I asked him point blank if he had restarted his A with OW and he said no. He says that if he wanted to be with her, he'd had left and let me go on with the D.

He said he was scared of coming back and finding me again in the same mental mess I was in when I first discovered the A in May (duh). And that he feared returning and finding an attorney's letter with TRO.

He cried, I cried, the usual thing... I tried to be supportive and validating, but at several points I had to firmly and politely ask him to listen to me and let me finish what I was saying. He kept getting ahead of me, interrupting me and saying that he knew what I wanted to say... Not very like him.

He asked me to go to my folks for Xmas, for 2-3 weeks so that he could stay and think, but if I did not want to go, then he wanted to spend Xmas with us. He will find someone to cover for him and close his office for 2 weeks then take off... he did not say where and I did not ask...

He says he wants this fixed before the end of January. He has put up his office for sale and intends to close it and take up a job somewhere else.

I told him that I'd prefer to have his intentions settled before Jan 15. He kept asking very forcefully why and I told him because that way I will know whether to ask the attorney to set a court date or whether to ask for the rest of my retainer back. That left him a bit stiff, and he answered roughly 'do whatever you want'.

He offered to leave immediately if I felt uncomfortable having him around until Xmas, but I said he could stay. Then he went to get chickenwings for our dinner...

After dinner, I asked him if what he feared is to come back and find himself divorced, and he said yes. So I told him that my fear was that he'd take OW in a 2 week trip and I'd find that they had cleaned the bank... So I firmly but lovingly asked him to change the accounts back and put them in my name and go to the CPA with me before he left. He agreed immediately, but then added 'see, for you it is always about the money.' Quite an unfair assessment that I did not question. I just said 'no. It is not a question of money. I want to send a message to OW, just in case...'

So we went to sleep and he hugged me all night. He woke up late and fixed breakfast in a really good mood. He brought up the change of address himself and said he'd send a letter. I told him he could call and he said tonight. I did not say anything and a bit later he did call, was still calling when I left...

I gave him a framed picture of the 3 of us to take to his office, but he said he is bringing things home, not taking them there. I did not point out the contradiction in his statement...

And he proposed we go to the movies tonight...

Does anyone understand this man?

"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little" Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"