The difference 3 months has made in my life

[ericmsant2]

TAMF,

the changes in my mood scare me. up and down. high and low.

It should cause CHANGE is SCARY!

Deep inside you’re changing….

Your thought process is changing

The way you feel is changing

The way YOUR friends and family view you is changing (this by your own admission)

AND here is the really f*cked up part….you are starting to face some of your own demons and insecurities and it scares the chit out of YOU! Psst…that would be some of those things that you do not post about, that dark place in your mind that you do not like to go visit.

Change is SCARY yes it is BUT believe it or not it is also NESSASARY!

Change is a part of life. Yet we tend to fight change and when we realize that we are losing the fight to STOP change, guess what….we get scared!

Everything that you are going through TAMF is pretty damn normal. So please be gentle on yourself.

This is one of those times I just want to be done. really done. divorced and done.

Yep – I have felt that feeling many, many times…. Guess what – IMO, YOUR NOT DONE! Tired, yes DONE – no. FTR, I think I’ve been done oh…say….maybe 20 – 30 times. Hell, I was just about done most recently when I fell in love with someone else. Guess what, I was not done and now someone else is hurt.

Your hurt, you thought YOUR actions could snap his as* out of it, you thought you could make him a little jealous, you thought this couldn’t happen to you, you thought most of this was YOUR fault (at least for a while) and YOU still think that YOU can change it.

You can’t.

Sorry – only your H can change himself.

I think I am as crazy as he is.

IF CHOOSING to STAND for WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN and really want is crazy…well then quite a few of us are bat chit f*cking MAD!

Detachment hasn't been easy for me, and right now impossible.

HARD does not = impossible!

Let me tell you about detachment….

You know that I have been living with my wife for almost 15 months. Have I detached completely? No. Have I detached to the point that I try and protect myself – YES. Do I fail some days? Yes.

Detachment is not about physically not seeing someone (yes I agree that sometime that is needed). No true detachment is not allowing someone else actions to dictate how YOU feel and how YOU live your life.

Alb said…..But be honest with yourself. You crave (yes even initiate) those great R talks because it makes you feel as if your getting forward progress.

SPOT Fu*king ON! Deep down TAMF..you think you can fix it. You think if you give him a little more love, a little more….ummmm affection….that he will change. Maybe he will, maybe he will not. What does the DB books tell you..if something doesn’t work try something different!

WHY SHOULD I CARE!!!!why, why, why? I don't want to love him anymore. we say love is a choice...why isn't it a choice for me? why can't I just say f@*k it - f@*k him.

Why should any of us? I mean really. Why not just go with the grain and say “F it”? Why not run like everyone else? Why not just take a little time to heal, get over it and go meet someone that will love us the way we want and need to be loved? Why…oh yes TAMF, why?

IMO, the why is because WE ARE SPECIAL! The why is because WE have taken a stand and in some cases for the first time in our lives…to stand for something that means so much to us. Some will call it stuck – I disagree. I call it LOVE! I call it commitment.

I call it a CHOICE to love when really I do not deserve to be loved!

Come to grips with the fact that YOU will love your H forever. Accept it.

So many others are able to move on

Define what Move on is.

Is moving on letting go and letting God?

Is moving on meeting someone else?

Define why you feel you are stuck and something tells me that you will see that YOU are really not stuck and if you are stuck you will understand why.

I have a husband that loves me but doesn't..

Many of us often struggle with what the DB books tell us, which is to change how you look at things… Maybe if you changed how you look at the above quote..say….”I have a husband that loves me but that right now is totally f*cked up in the head, bat chit crazy and cannot see what is right in front of his face” (the F bomb is the Eric version).

Change how you look at things TAMF.

Being DONE means what to you? Really? What does it mean?

Because I allow it

The best quote of your post!

Now, pick your as* up and get back to working on you.

Stop f*cking around and WRITE DOWN HOW you want to live YOUR life!

Not how you want to live it to get YOUR H back – no – HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

We all have dreams and yet our own fears hold us back (Maybe I am projecting a bit here).

Don’t let them girl!

I know that you want to travel – well then pick a place, somewhere inexpensive and go. Plan your next few trips and start saving.

What else do YOU want to do that you have never done. Fu*k what is holding you back?

God Bless,
Eric