The difference 3 months has made in my life

[TAMF]

WS and Al - thank you so much for the morning boost! I needed it! so here is what took place this morning...

I never went back to sleep. knew that H was coming over this morning to see the girls off to school. I decided it wasn't a good idea to see him this morning in the crappy mood I was in. So I woke D12 up for school at 6am and told her that I was going to run the bluff (where I hike everyday). I NEVER go in the morning always in the afternoon, but I told D that I wouldn't get a chance to go unless I went at 6am. My H sent me a text while I was hiking - telling me he was on his way to the house and asked if I wanted coffee. I didn't text back. He must have gotten to the house and dicovered that I went hiking - which startled him. He called 2 times while I was hiking, but I didn't answer. I got home around 7am - right when H was about to take D12 to school. He asked me if I was alright, and I said - sure. Just needed to think. He took D to school and came back to the house to then take D10 to school.

He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was upset because my brother's girlfriend's brother-in-law had a massive stroke and he is on life support (he is only mid 40s!) and that I had bad dreams and anxiety as a result. He gave me a big hug. We ended up going to breakfast together to talk.

He told me at breakfast that these mood swings that I am having...one minute I am strong and telling him to work on him and then 24 hours later I am having anxiety attacks and telling him that I can't handle our situation. He never knows what is the real me and how I really feel.

He is absolutely right. As I posted early this morning - I think I am going crazy. up and down with my emotions. I told him that I was sorry and that he needs to bare with me and my mood swings because I try to be strong and then I have moments of insecurity that is crippling. I can usually get myself out of it quickly, but it is there regardless.

He told me at breakfast that he wasn't going to tell me, because he didn't want to get my hopes up, but he had a talk with the OW and they talked about ending it. He doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. He is hurting me, the girls and he can't give the OW what she wants which is a family of her own. He wants to do the right thing.

He asked if he came back to work on our relationship, would I constantly be wondering if he was still cheating on me. He also wanted to know if I would tolerate some contact with her - just to call and see if she was okay. I said no. If he wants to work on our relationship, he needed to be in it 100%. He can't be friends with the OW - we would be doing exactly what we are doing now only he would be back in the house. It wouldn't work. He had to totally let her go. He said he understood.

He looked me dead in the eye and asked if we could really try to make this work. I looked him dead in the eye and said I would do everything I could to try, but HE had to do everything to try too.

We went back to the house and he just held me for a long time and said, "I love you - I hope you know that" then he said, "just be strong for a little bit longer, please."

I went to work and he sent me a text that said: Hope you have a good day. stay strong T!

He just called me and asked if I was feeling better, I said yes. He said that I did sound better and that was good. He just wanted to check on me. Then he said he would like to watch the Bear / Viking game with me on Sunday if he is home. I said that would be nice. Then he says,"you are good? strong? with or without me, right?" I said yes.

Crazy up and down day...