H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[ericmsant2]

Nicole

Welcome to the worse place you want to be. I am sorry that you find yourself here and offer up a welcome on behalf of all of my DB buddies. That said, as Grit and Punkin already mentioned to you, the focus that you will need to have is on YOURSELF. Fix YOU and maybe…just maybe your can reconcile your M.

Someone should be around shortly with some resources that I really suggest that you read, print out and…staple some of them to your head  .

Dealing with someone in a “life crisis” is NOT for the weak of heart. In the end, all of us will need to chose how we life OUR lives.

Before I respond to your post I have just a few questions for you.

Do you love your H? And I mean really love him?
Can you wait until he wakes the f*ck up?
Can you look inside YOURSELF and I mean really look inside yourself?
Can you give up total control of YOUR H?

Think about these for a few days and then let me know what your response are.

Okay regarding your post:

I am definately working on myself and have been for quite some time.

What does this ^^^ mean? What are you working on? What areas are you trying to change?

Looking back the more lost and depressed he became the more withdrawn he became and the more I did everything for him. And I mean everything.

I assume that you have already read Divorce Remedy and so I would like to suggest another good book for you – “Co Dependent no more”. A very good read and one based on your post may be a very good book for you.

I make more money than him. He says it doesn't bother him, pretty sure it does though.

Personally, the fact that YOU brought this up tells me that maybe this is an issue for YOU. One that you really do not care to look at. I may be wrong but…..

my h and I both have a long way to go

Define long? Personally, anytime I try to measure something I fail. Why not just take things day be day and stop telling YOURSELF just how long it will take.

I sent the ow a text last night letting her know that he has been at home the last four weeks and not at his moms as she was probably told and that my h filed the papers asking for an extension from the court.

Well at least you didn’t invite the OW over for tea. Seriously, Nicole why are contacting the OW? Do you think that you can convince her or your H for that matter to stop the nonsense? Do you really think that by YOUR WORDS instead of YOUR ACTIONS you can change things. Another point I want to make is that by contacting her you in essence are manipulating the sitch. Your message about what and where your H has been was in my opinion total manipulation. Why do I say this? I suspect that you wanted OW to know so that SHE could tell YOUR H it is over. What would you call this?

AND because you called her, your H respond with HIS BOUNDARY, which was…

"really, WTF?" followed by "your not helping matters Nicole"

The “your not helping matters” response from your H is very telling (at least to me).

Nicole was one of your H’s complaints that you were a little controlling? Just wondering. If so, would you agree? If not, then read what you posted again.

I imagine he will get very angry with me today and will most likely become very irrational and spew non sense at me.

Ayep – I would agree with YOU here. Do you see where YOU played a role in his anger? Can you see that you pushed and he wanted space BUT you still pushed and NOW he is angry.

Nicole – MLC rule # 1 – try not to get them pissed off at YOU. Remember they usually are already blaming you for all of their unhappiness. So anything you do to them just adds fuel to the fire.

How about instead of calling OW…you begin to live your life.

I've decided to hold strong and pull away very far. Farther than I have in the past.

IF you are pulling back to punish him – then personally I think that is the wrong call. IF you are pulling back to PROTECT YOU, well then I’m with ya!

Nicole, think about those questions that I asked….

BTW, one more question – why are you here?

God Bless,
Eric