1)He says he made the choice NOT to go to grad school or vet school after college bc he had asked me to marry him and he felt a need to have a job to provide for me. Keep in mind, he never told me this. I would have gladly lived in cheap married student housing and eaten ramens and cereal for him to get what he wanted. But he lied and told me he tanked the GRE and could not get in to grad school.
Only after affair #2 in 2007 did he open the floodgates. He told me he aced the GRE and could have gone to grad school but didn't BECAUSE OF ME. His whole life would have been different if he had not married me. Now he had spent 10 years at a job he despised (meat business) so "I could have my dream staying home with the kids." And truth be told when he came home I would vent about my day (Oh boy nathan pooped all over the living room, Sydney wouldn't nap so I am tired, etc etc). I honestly was sharing, not complaining, in my mind. But through his filter he gave up his dream career to give me mine and all I did was b!tch.
2) After his grandma died in Dec 2006, his parents had to sell a part of the family farm to give their siblings their share of the inheritance. I had known since our dating years that dan wanted more than anything to move home and live in a particular section of the farm...the section his parents were selling.
He wanted to buy it. At the time I had no job at home with the kids, we had a mortgage and a second mortgage/equity loan. Plus, loans for a new pickup for Dan and two livestock trailers.
I asked him how we could afford a loan for the farm section up home. I wanted to be a team and be in on the planning. He took it as me not trusting him. He said we could buy it and then rent it out...I said I was not sure we could qualify on the possibility that we could rent it.
I suggested we look for jobs back home and sell our house/land, move up there and live in his childhood home on the farm section. He was adamant that we could not do that, he could not quit his job and would not find a job in Omaha area. I said lets sit down and write out how we are going to make this work, then. He got pissed and said never mind if I didn't just trust him, forget it. And he started his affair and never really looked back.
He swears up and down that I told him we could not buy the farm, knowing it was all he ever dreamed of. I tried to point out after the fact that he got a job in the Omaha area within two weeks of deciding to move once he had the A and was going to leave me. So, it could have been done...
Anyway THAT is why he will never forgive me. Because he gave up everything to give me my dream and I b!tched, and then when he had the chance at his dream I said NO. (Not to mention, I said NO to cheating on me and he didn't follow my orders then, did he?)
I told him a while back we could make an offer on the land. The girl who bought it is 39, unmarried, family friend since birth. Her parents are best friends with Dan's parents. I told him she liked the setting but if we offered her an extra $50k for the place she could buy a different little house in the country, she had no emotional attachment.
He says, no, she would not sell, I just know it, but he never even tried asking her...
