H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

WOW, thanks everyone for all the support. I am definately working on myself and have been for quite some time. I'm very guilty though of just picking up the slack for my h. I'm a just get it done type of person and am good at multi tasking. This has been very bad for my m and my h over the last 4-5 years. I thought I was being helpful by doing everything and anything so my h could be with and help his mom with his terminally I'll father. I wanted him to spend as much time helping his mom as possible. His dad died at home so the day to day care as his dad got more weak became to much for his mom. Then he died and my husbands "pack leader" is no longer here for him. He misses his dad so much and doesn't really talk about it. I would ask him what is wrong and he just can't tell me and he stares into space. I've asked if he wishes his dad were here to guide him and talk with and he always says "yes" very quickly. Looking back the more lost and depressed he became the more withdrawn he became and the more I did everything for him. And I mean everything. My h is also very unhappy with the multiple jobs he has and he just can't find his notch in life where he feels like he is doing something rewarding and can support me. I make more money than him. He says it doesn't bother him, pretty sure it does though.

So my point of the above loooong paragraph is that my h and I both have a long way to go. I'm trying really hard. My challenge at hand now will be to NOT respond to his spewing. He told me that he was staying at his moms last night (I call her house the all inclusive resort). His reason for staying there last night was that "it's what he needs right now". Which translated means he is talking with the ow. I sent the ow a text last night letting her know that he has been at home the last four weeks and not at his moms as she was probably told and that my h filed the papers asking for an extension from the court. I almost immediately got a text from my h saying "really, WTF?" followed by "your not helping matters Nicole". He is an idiot. He just confirmed he is talking with her. chose to not respond. I imagine he will get very angry with me today and will most likely become very irrational and spew non sense at me. Can't wait.

I've decided to hold strong and pull away very far. Farther than I have in the past. This will be very hard for me but is necessary He's never really felt me fully pull away. I've always stayed in the back ground and been supportive of his "crisis". When the ow starts to flake or not commit he will start to question me. It's a very sick visious cycle.

I know my h needs medical help. He I think knows to but isn't really ready to admit it and THAT is his problem. No i know he knows but he again is a man and men dont take meds. Its ok for his cousin, brother and anyone else though he still thinks he can tough it out. Toughing it out currently means "ow" high.

So here I go. Day one of being as strong as I can for Nicole and not feeding into my h's drama because im positive that the drama is set to arrive before long. I will have to wait and see. I need to get lots of sleep/rest as I feel a cold coming. Nothing a PMA can't fight though .