Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Things a little better today. I started down the detaching road last night and results weren't good...so I stopped. Last night remained awkward. This morning though a good conversation. Where we at, why, how to move forward. Right now it is those feelings that are the stumbling block and she feels bad that "she lost her mind" and told me all those things last weekend.

Learned exactly why feelings for him have resurfaced: one was talking about him and second the anger has faded.

I pushed for counselling for her to deal with this because she says she has no one to talk to about it...she was receptive.

I reiterated the boundary of no contact and that one almost shocked her. Amazing. Her response is well what if talking to him is my way of getting it out of my system and moving on...so we had that talk.

I validated that I have read about this kind of stuff and what she is feeling is normal and that I expected it and was here for her. We promised each other to focus just on today, have a good day together and go from there.

So the elephant is still in the room. These feelings and wondering what it would be like with OM. And I couldn't resist, I found a way to throw in there the fact that she would be going to someone she knows won't be faithful to her and that one woman isn't enough for. She admitted she did always worry about that...

I appreciate all the perspectives and thoughts. Far from out of the woods of trouble on this one. I know this is a critical, critical stretch...that if she decides to reach out to the addiction, it is probably over. And I told her that too (without using the word addiction)

[FindingMyVoice]

Woot! GW Way to go, asserting your boundaries and still validating and communicating. Give yourself a pat on the back. I know you guys have a lot of work ahead yet but looks like you're handling it really well. I do hope she pursues the counseling.

PS... our conversation about Bridges of Madison Country reminded me of something. As much as it had fueled my fantasy about being attracted to that guy, something I noticed after watching it 3 or 4 times also was something that helped me to squelch it... did you ever notice how eventually, Meryl Streep ALWAYS ended up bawling and upset EVERY single time she and Clint were together? It ticked me off at her. I though, 'oh for gods sakes woman, you're more than your relationship with this guy... you're not going to keel over dead without him. If it's that painful to be without him, then you've got bigger problems than losing him that you're not dealing with. So get busy, look inside and fix them!'

(IDK maybe I think to much! Hope you don't mind that I shared this... it was just one of those things that made me look at my attraction to that guy a little different I guess.)

[gutwrenching]

Of course I don't mind that you shared that...however, dont think I'll be suggesting my W watch that movie a few times in hopes she reaches the same point.

We had a very good day. W gave effort into things and seemed happy like I hadn't seen in a few weeks. I was happy/relaxed too. At this point, I think its important she go into this trip with us both feeling happy and secure with where things are out, her love tanks filled...cause I know she will be thinking about things a lot...I need to remain the better option.

And if not, she will have chosen poorly and I will be fine.

She did say something interesting that I forgot to write here - she said she really wanted to deal with this and be done. She doesn't want to be thinking about him off and on or be thinking of him still 20 years from now.

[FindingMyVoice]

Glad to hear your day went well yesterday. It's like they keep saying... do what works, right? That was an interesting comment she made about wanting to deal with her feelings. Sounds like she's very motivated. I think that's very important... hey, I forgot to ask. Are you guys in MC?

[gutwrenching]

We are not in MC. We are planning on Retrouville. With our busy lifestyle that seemed to be the best option. But now I am having second thoughts. I mentioned it, tested the waters, with her yesterday. Her reply was "I told you I would" in reference to going to MC. It was one of the boundaries I had for me be willing to give us another shot when she finally snapped our of la la land and cut it off with OM

[FindingMyVoice]

But now I am having second thoughts.

Why are you having second thoughts?

[gutwrenching]

Because of some advice on here. I am not second guessing Retrouville...as long as we make it till Jan to attend!

[FindingMyVoice]

Because of some advice on here. I am not second guessing Retrouville...as long as we make it till Jan to attend!

Wow really. Have you and she sat down to discuss which option is better? I'm all for listening to the advice here, but it's really got to be a decision between you and her.. what works for you both. What advice did you hear that made you reconsider? To me it sounds like you're worried about waiting until Jan?

[gutwrenching]

Yes a little worried about waiting till Jan...however, realistically, with the holiday season and all...still probably the most realistic solution.

We need to talk some more about it, that is for sure. Really, waiting till Jan is one thing, but if I am honest with myself, it is worried about next week, so nothing that can be done before then.

[FindingMyVoice]

...if I am honest with myself, it is worried about next week, so nothing that can be done before then.

Yah, I can appreciate that. Well, try not to let your fears run away with you... I'm famous for doing that and it rarely turns out well! Focus on the good stuff if you can. Deep down I worry if my H would have been able to do what you are, had my sitch progressed a different way. So I really admire what you're doing GW. Thinking good thoughts for both you and your W. Well, doggie-duty calls... take care today!