The more you keep texting her and badgering her and please please pleasing her, the more irritated and withdrawn she will be from you. You need to look at this from her persepective. She KNOWS she is doing the wrong things, but she 1) doesn't care, and 2) knows she's in huge trouble with you. Think of it this way, during the course of your life, have you ever avoided someone who you knew you were going to get a scolding from, or was going to make you feel guilty about something? i.e., could've been your parents when you were a kid, could've been a friend who you didn't treat well, could've been another dude who wanted to be your friend but you just didn't want to be his...yet he wouldn't go away, could've even been a member of the opposite sex who liked you a little too much and you might not have liked, but she kept pursuing you to the point where it made you uncomfortable? We've all had at least a situation or two like this, where we as human beings know we're in for a lecture or a guilt trip and just don't want to deal with it.
She's avoiding you. For right now, just focus on a smaller picture, which is this. Would you want to face your wrath right now? Would you want to come home to your pleading right now if you were her? Would you want to have to explain yourself to you right now if you were her? I doubt you would.
That's not to say in an ideal world she doesn't owe you a lot more than this as your wife. But it's like trying to collect a debt from a person who has no money, you are simply NOT going to get what you want and need from her. She doesn't feel she owes you anything right now and just wants to be left alone to do her own thing. She is an adult, and you cannot stop her. Guilting her by saying she's ruining the kids lives will not stop her, it will only make her feel like everything is a lost cause already. She may be feeling like what's the use, I've already screwed up my marriage, why not keep going out and getting drunk and seeing these people, very possibly OM, etc.
You have to back off. You're expecting her to somehow radically chnage her mind and turn around from the path she's headed down. She's not going to if you don't. She may very well not if you DO, either, but this is a surefire way to repel her even more.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
