What to do now??

[Jstar]

I don't think your wife knows what or how to respond to what you are saying. she probably has guilt for what is going on and admitting anything would mean she is/was wrong.

your kids will always want mom/dad together. my d18 still does to this day. i can remember even being 26 wanting my mother/father back together, even my sister did as well and we had children of our own.

now my d3 asks just about everyday if daddy can move back in, she wants it, i want it(with changes of course and work) but he does not.

i think you are doing well in not listening to her gripe and letting her struggle on her own with the kids in that sense. or you could just listen not say a word and then when she expects a response just go oh. or hmm and walk away.

i think she expects you to mend it all put it back together all while the destruction of your family is going on.