Well, girls, I am upset, I am hurting, I am emotional, but I realize that I cannot control what my H does or does not. It is him who has to decide what he is willing to do to regain my trust... and it is for me to decide whether that would be enough or not.
I cannot make him want to do things, I cannot force him to do them, I cannot trick him or blackmail him into anything. I can only calmly state my needs and the compromises I am willing to make, then listen to what his position is on the subject.
This is not the M I want or the family my D deserves. I want a M in which we both are committed to each other and willing to work through things together. I want a M in which decissions are made jointly, not sneaked in through the back door.
I do not want to dread going to pick up the mail, wondering what I will find. I do not want to be my H's jailer for the rest of my life. I am not a detective and I do not want to be one.
I just do not know what else to do... As to postponement, I will wait until we talk tonight. Then I will make my decission. It is all the postponement I can live with.
Regardless of what happens, I want you all to know how much I value and appreciate you and the support you have given me (and by extension my family). Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
