The difference 3 months has made in my life

[TAMF]

Isn't it amazing how one day you are fine and feel good and the next you can't sleep, you cry, you daydream about driving to the OW house in the middle of the night to see if his truck is in the driveway? But instead you log on to this site at 4:48am to write down your fears and anxiety?

the changes in my mood scare me. up and down. high and low. I think I am as crazy as he is.

This is one of those times I just want to be done. really done. divorced and done.

Detachment hasn't been easy for me, and right now impossible. I am right back to thinking about him all of the time. where is he, what is he doing? Will he text me a little or a lot today? when will I see him?

WHY SHOULD I CARE!!!!why, why, why? I don't want to love him anymore. we say love is a choice...why isn't it a choice for me? why can't I just say f@*k it - f@*k him.

Do I secretly love pain? So many others are able to move on - why not me?

eric asked me today what I want to do with my life. I have thought about this a lot tonight (this morning) and damn it, I loved my life! I thanked God everyday for my life! I was totally happy and satisfied with my life! I don't need to GAL - I HAVE A LIFE. a great life! I have 2 beautiful healthy kids, I have a crazy ass family that loves me to death, friends who love me so much they would help me cover a murder! JK :-) I have accomplished more with my career than I ever dreamed. I have a beautiful home. nice things. I love people and life completely.

I have a husband that loves me but doesn't...

so looking at the long list of everything that is wonderful in my life to the one and only thing that is bad in my life - it seems small, pale, weak.

So why do I let this one element in my otherwise great life cause me such pain?

Because I allow it.