I am sorry, guys, I think this is over... I cannot live like this any more...
I just picked up the mail and there was a letter saying that H had changed the address in his IRAs to the office. I called him to confirm and he gave me some lame explanation about having done it because the office pays for it... He also put off the CPA once more...
It is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I guess I have realized he really has no intention of letting me into his life and he does not want to tell me, so he procrastinates... I just cannot go on with this any more... I am repeating myself, I know...
I have tried very hard, I have done my best but I cannot force him to do what he does not want to do. He said we'd talk tonight... I do not think there is anything left to talk about... I do not even know how am I going to go through the work day... I get all red and puffy when I cry... and I am crying in silence...
I've asked and he cannot or will not do it. What else is there?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Quote: Then I look at my little girl's upturned nose and her big, trusting eyes when she looks at her Daddy (the guy who left her alone, the one who was not there when she was sick, the man who let her establish a friendship with OW and her family to totally cut off the connection when she let innocently escape that 'Dad is a baby because he sleeps with Mommy', the man for whom she cried herself to sleep many nights...) and I cannot do that to her. If it is only for her happiness, I owe her a try. A good honest try.
sorry, i really don't fight fair, never have.
have you seriously given it a good honest try? just asking, cause if you feel like you have, and you are ready to take that enormouse step, then we can do nothing but support you in your decision.
Well, girls, I am upset, I am hurting, I am emotional, but I realize that I cannot control what my H does or does not. It is him who has to decide what he is willing to do to regain my trust... and it is for me to decide whether that would be enough or not.
I cannot make him want to do things, I cannot force him to do them, I cannot trick him or blackmail him into anything. I can only calmly state my needs and the compromises I am willing to make, then listen to what his position is on the subject.
This is not the M I want or the family my D deserves. I want a M in which we both are committed to each other and willing to work through things together. I want a M in which decissions are made jointly, not sneaked in through the back door.
I do not want to dread going to pick up the mail, wondering what I will find. I do not want to be my H's jailer for the rest of my life. I am not a detective and I do not want to be one.
I just do not know what else to do... As to postponement, I will wait until we talk tonight. Then I will make my decission. It is all the postponement I can live with.
Regardless of what happens, I want you all to know how much I value and appreciate you and the support you have given me (and by extension my family). Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
My heart aches for you this morning, I know the confusion, and pain that you are feeling today far to well.
You said:
Quote: I do not want to dread going to pick up the mail, wondering what I will find. I do not want to be my H's jailer for the rest of my life. I am not a detective and I do not want to be one.
YOU are absolutely right to NOT want to face those heart wrenching incidents. BUT....the truth IS, you don't have to.
Your H appears (from your posts) to still be very confused as to what he wants. His vacilating continues to cause you a great deal of stress and heartache to be sure.
YOU have done a tremendous and courageous job of making a valiant effort to recapture your relationship with him, BUT, you're NOT done yet.
I would gladly hand you the towel that you're so ready to throw in, IF I believed that everything that could be done, had been done.
I certainly make NO excuse for your H...he's being a typical narcissistic ass....but, I would offer MHO that he is still 'in the fog' and that mindset causes him to continue to be thoughtless, deceptive and hurtful.
I support your stepping back...for YOUR sake and your DDs sake, but I encourage you to float above the current trauma of his continued failure to 'reconnect' and see it for what it is....HIS continued confusion.
Remove YOURSELF from his inability to make a real commitment just yet....let him complete HIS journey through this hellish ordeal....while YOU go about making life better for yourself despite/or inspite of what HE does or fails to do.
Ultimately OF COURSE the decision is YOURS to make. Make it wisely, make it of absolute benefit to YOU...make it when you're calm and capable of unemotional attachment. Make it based on SOUND judgement, not emotion.
Quote: YOU have done a tremendous and courageous job of making a valiant effort to recapture your relationship with him, BUT, you're NOT done yet.
I would gladly hand you the towel that you're so ready to throw in, IF I believed that everything that could be done, had been done.
<snip>
I support your stepping back...for YOUR sake and your DDs sake, but I encourage you to float above the current trauma of his continued failure to 'reconnect' and see it for what it is....HIS continued confusion.
Remove YOURSELF from his inability to make a real commitment just yet....let him complete HIS journey through this hellish ordeal....while YOU go about making life better for yourself despite/or inspite of what HE does or fails to do.
What have I not done? How do I do that?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
