I got home and she was already there cooking dinner. I walked in got my greetings from my "kids" and sat down.
No talk, not a whisper.
The kitchen smelled good and she was doing stuff. I did not interfere.
Hours later she got up and went to the dining area to serve herself. She did not set the table for me or asked me if I wanted anything. I let her finish her meal.
She left all the food on the stove and came back in the living room. Still no word.
I finally got up, took my laptop and here I am writing this while she is still down there doing whatever she tried to make a point of.
Pookie, Leaving is not only sometimes just as good of a DBing technique that works as many other techniques. It seems as though you are viewing this as it is over, when in fact we really don't know that yet.
Why? Because you have not allowed her to ever feel that SHE has lost YOU for good. It has been the total opposite for this whole time. Believe it or not, it works the same for most people. It isn't until you have felt that you LOST them that suddenly wakes you up. It is the threat of loss that stirs emotions. The other way emotions are stirred is the pursuit of something that we want.
You have never given her a chance to experience either one of those emotions by the "hanging in there" method. It usually just doesn't work. It is just a fact. Sorry. If it worked to hang in there, I would be an advocate of hanging in there.
So, this isn't a time for sadness. It is a time for moving on and getting excited about the next chapter of your life. Let HER come to you. If she doesn't ... So be it. You are a smart man. This may be the smartest thing you have ever done. Do what works. Let her find someone better. She may be in for a big surprise. You may be in for one too.
If you are not married (not judging just going by facts) and the house belongs to her then you will have to move out anyhow. You have no legal right to it unless the two of you had papers drawn up stating otherwise.
How come you can't take the dogs with you? There was no way in heck I was giving up my dog - but my H gave her to me before we were married so it was mine. Take the dogs and go!
Why? Because you have not allowed her to ever feel that SHE has lost YOU for good. It has been the total opposite for this whole time. Believe it or not, it works the same for most people. It isn't until you have felt that you LOST them that suddenly wakes you up. It is the threat of loss that stirs emotions. The other way emotions are stirred is the pursuit of something that we want.
Pookie,
I recalled something in my sitch:
When I truely thought is was over and had made the decision to move on, our mutaul friend told W that if she is still uncertain about me she better make a move b/c W about to lose all chances with me.
I received the call the follow week. It was a weak attempt, but she did reach out.
So the feeling of losing someone is powerful. Be strong during the moving out and remember it's not over just b/c your not living together.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
It was an eerie evening. Like I said before very few words were exchanged. W should be happy that I’m leaving, but instead she is not angry miserable lump. Just 3 days ago we joked and laughed while shopping for new dog toys online. She ordered a bunch including a bacon flavored bubble maker. She was all excited and was looking forward receiving the package to have some real fun with the bubble maker and our four legged pack.
The package arrived yesterday and she had taken everything out but left all of it unwrapped on the counter.
She was watching a comedy show on TV but her face was stone cold. One of the dogs had gotten into something nasty and I said that I should give him a bath. She asked me if I needed a hand. It was definitely needed so I said yes. We washed the dog and that was the end of any interaction.
She had dinner alone and I retired to my bedroom.
This morning she was just as miserable as last night. I said good morning but received no response.
She’s getting what she wants, but she is in worse condition that I’ve ever seen. Hard for me not to feel empathy, but I am keeping it to myself.
