My marriage has fallen apart & it looks like there is no hope to any type of reconnection. He basically told me to move out last month so he could figure some things out; little did I know at the time that he was reguarly (like at least 50 times a day) texting another woman (who is married with 3 kids & he works with) on a daily basis... I confronted him about it Monday when I was trying to find a number on T-mobiles website to upgrade my service plan to include internet, I saw all of these texts to and from a certain number -- he keeps denying that it is anything more than a friend (whom he has an emotional connection with) with her situation (supposedly her husband in abusive); I called BS!! Anyway he texts me this morning to ask me to come over to talk; I got there & he said he had something to ask me -- would it be alright to move her & her 3 kids in so that her parents could serve eviction notice to her husband & then once he is out of the house she would move back in... I said NO, NO, NO, but he said he really didn't need to ask my permission just thought he would be nice to ask... he said he loves me, but doesn't like be married to me anymore --- says I have 'boxed' him in & diminished his manhood... I wanted so much to save our marriage but he has made up his mind (I feel) -- anyway, he called earlier when I asked if I could bring my puppy back to his house because I don't have a 'home' & he blew up & said that I was making his life miserable ... I took my rings off & stored them away -- I have no hope left -- so many things wrong right now & I am having a ton of difficulties trying to keep it together... I do feel I had a lot to do with the breakdown... This is what he knows to do because of his upbringing; I on the other hand had a lot of bad things happen to me that I have been closing behind in my head... & they all started seeping thru lately; but I was brought up to always forgive & forget (hell my mom wouldn't have a thing to do with me when I was pregnant with my little girl; I was date raped & later found out I was pregnant -- my dad was the only one there for me then -- but I pushed it back & didn't talk about it)... You know I love him with all that I have & it is really hard to see him move on without me... I feel like a complete shut in -- I live in a one room enviroment in Leavenworth, I live in a one room enviroment at my moms, and I live in a one room enviroment at work... I will get by, I always have -- just seems to get harder & harder to keep putting one foot in front of the other & keep a smile on my face when my heart is shattered in a million tiny pieces... He called me yesterday morning & asked me if I could pay 1/2 for divorce & told me that he had to 'get away from me for awhile'; says he is going thru a lot of [censored] right now & thinks there is really something wrong with him -- I said so no...w you are pushing me completely away & he said that is what is needed for him right now because every time he knows I am in town he wants to get together... I, of course, blew up letting him know that this is so hard for me to just let go -- he is the love of my life, ya know... he said it isn't easy on him either but has to do it... He is trying to get an appointment set up at the V.A. to get referred to a 'shrink'; I told him that he would always be in my heart & I would always be there for him if/when he decides to let me in (instead of this other woman that he has connected to -- he says that they are going thru the same issues & that is why they talk, who knows right -- I choose to believe him because it would be much to much otherwise) -- I told him I just wanted him to get better & get the help he needs... I really do love him & wish that this wasn't happening, but if he needs to be away from me then that is what I will give to him, not out of hate or resentment but out of love for him & what we had...
