One more step: I just deleted the email folder I had set up for any mail from him to go directly to. Not that I had gotten any emails from him since I bought the house in May. I had deleted most everything from that box except: The mystery email he sent me in October: while living with OW; opening night of the community theatre show he was working on, he sent me an article about ambulances (I'm on rescue squad) No idea why. At the time, of course, I took it as hope--he's thinking of me! For some reason, he is not at opening night show with her--he is home and read this and thought of me!
I deleted that tonight.
I then copied down the email info he sent me on the house internet password stuff, and deleted that email. Then I deleted all my deleted email. Then I went thru "sent" mail and deleted every note I have sent to his mother, and to him.
All gone. By-by. If I weren't at work, I would cry. Having a hard time not.
Still struggling with the baby stuff. Still on the down side of the roller coaster, but I think it has bottomed out. Should be climbing back up again soon, I hope.
Guess it is just the grief. Just the pain I blotted out last year working its way through.
Had a great run today. Looking forward to an afternoon run tomorrow.
Work is good; community theatre is good; took a break from rescue this month; house and tenants and cats are good; friends are good.
