How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

Yes, has been a while! I have the forums open every day at work but haven't had time to post.

Finishing up a big project for work, basically had to write the user's guide for our whole software.:
http://www.limoanywhere.tv/kb

Also paying off debt like crazy with my new raises, with another coming in December.

Just got a call from W, she said she was doing laundry and found some of my boxers in her sheets. LOL. I had took a four-day weekend in October and went down to see her then as well.

It's been frustrating trying to see W as GFIL is going down hill. His doctor says he's giving up. Don't blame him really, you can only go so long.

I had breakfast with my pastor recently and he was asking me some questions about the sitch. I can tell he doesn't get it, why I'm still trying. I told him I'm a bit worried about if GFIL, a multi-millionare, passes away. W's parents are divorced and her mom already passed, so, well do the math.

He said that he finally gets it all. This was always about money, and her family thought "here comes this musician trying to weasel his way in". He had a similar story. He did say that her getting inheritance right now would really change the good thing we've got going.

It's really out of my control. I really want to see him again also, we were really tight. She doesn't want me to yet. Says it's too soon after GMIL's passing. She always takes it on herself to keep everything smooth for everyone else and exhausts herself.

On the other hand, I have married friends tell me all the time that they're jealous of me. I live my life and have tons of fun when she's not here. And then when she comes or I go down, which I try for every two weeks, it's like we're married again. And really, it always has been. We still talk every night.

My pastor asked if we've had a conversation where I make it clear to her that we're not going to live like this for 30 years. I told him "I think we know that". And again, I can't control her choices. It still scares me that she'll start making better ones, at least as far as our M is concerned, but that's getting less. I told him I feel like I'll know when it's time, and that's not yet.