I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[awest1217]

CTH-The only thing I think you should really do is see a C (a good C) to work on the bitterness. It is completely ok to be mad at STBXW and to not want to be friends, but you bitterness to her is completely apparent and if you are as transparent as you say you are, then your girls know it too.

Here is a story from my experience that maybe will help you. My step-sister and I were talking this past weekend. Her mom cheated multiple times on my step-dad/her dad. Finally he had enough and filed for D. After a custody battle, he got custody of my step-sister and step-brother. My step-dad always said bad things about their mom, and if he wasn't he was always mean to her and non-communicative. He just wanted nothing to do with his XW including coparenting. It ended up that XW didn't have a lot of money, after getting remarried and having another child, so my step-dad and XW made a agreement, no more child support if the kids didn't have to visit. They went years without seeing their mom. Funny thing is that years later once my step-sister grew up. She realized that my step-dad was not a peach. He is abusive physically and emotionally (although doing somewhat better lately). She realized that although what her mom did was wrong, she actually resented her father more. Not for the abuse, but for bad mouthing her mom. XW never said one mean word to her kids about their dad, and in the end, my step-sister is closer to her mom.

I say this to warn you. You don't bad mouth STBXW. You don't ever say mean things to the girls, but they will pick-up on the resentment, and it could cause them to resent you. Really think about what you want to teach your girls. Be a good example of truly forgiving. Am I saying talk every week, or do things together? No. Some can. I do and I know others do, but if you aren't able to do that it is ok, but you need to get to a point where you can communicate (even by e-mail) without getting so worked up and upset because the girls know. They know more than you think. Find a way to communicate and work with STBXW and most importantly find a way to stop the bitterness. Anger is an emotion and should be acknowledged. Anger when dealt with is an important emotion, but bitterness, bitterness destroys. Find someone you can work with to root out the bitterness and save yourself.