Lost like a ship in the very dark night

[babh]

Thanks Lance, I have read the homework several times already. It's just something else to get through I think. I have read it a couple of times too, or will think about something and go back and re-read something. I have spent a lot of time on here reading, that's my new life! I know that this is not easy, and it's not about me, and I am so thankful for that! I'd rather be going through it on this end, it seems scary on the other side. And to think this may never end for him, he's very stubborn, and rebellious, so I think he is in it for the long haul.

What I think is so funny about my STBXH, is he has been telling me for years how he hates controlling women, and you got it, OW tells him pretty much what to do about everything, or how to handle it. Even Son said, gee whiz Mom, he doesn't like women like that! It gives me a chuckle, and is a good thought when I am low.

All the posts are so helpful, and I think everyone should know that. It's good to know, unfortunately, that there are others out there in the same place. Comfort in numbers! Thanks again.

[punkin]

BABH,

Welcome. Isn't that the strangest thing. To see a man you have spent the greater part of your life with do the complete opposite of everything he has ever said, done, acted, or claimed? Mine went country/rodeo, and he's a heavy metal fan. Wouldn't even step near Brandon, Mo. for fear of getting some on him.

You will get all the support you need here. Feel free to come and vent anytime. Weekends are slow, but there is usually someone around. The very fact that weekends become slower are encouraging, because that means more of us are out GAL'ng then sitting home hiding under the covers.

One thing I believe with all my heart and soul. Menopause has nothing on MANopause.

[babh]

I believe that MANopause is worse! Been through menopause, and H thought it was horrible to go through(for him). He should see what he's like! Still no word on the settlement agreement, I have a friend who says I should just go ahead and push through with the D. She really hates him now, but doesn't understand what's going on. I told her, for one thing I don't want a D, and then he started it and it will cost me more money, let him finish it! He was in such a big hurry too...I can't see wasting anymore of my money on something that I don't want or believe in. I can wait awhile longer and see what happens. If he's already done it, then it's done. Sometimes not knowing is hard!

I think that I am getting stronger about it all, I can see changes and that makes me proud of how I am dealing with all of this. The beginning was really bad, so I'm glad that it's gotten better! It's kind of funny how patience just becomes part of your life, and things that used to bother you start rolling off your back like nothing. I'm not sure if I'm standing for my marriage yet, just know that I am seeing this through to the end, whatever that way is.

I'm just going on with living, GAL and learning about me and life. I am thankful to have God, and don't know where I would be without Him.

[LanceSijan]

What I think is so funny about my STBXH, is he has been telling me for years how he hates controlling women, and you got it, OW tells him pretty much what to do about everything, or how to handle it. Even Son said, gee whiz Mom, he doesn't like women like that! It gives me a chuckle, and is a good thought when I am low.

The worm will turn here at some point.
Nothing you can control for now.
Work on YOU.
That is who YOU can control.

This time is hard but when you figure things out it is really not as bad as you think.

[babh]

Thanks Lance,

I'm sure the worm will turn, just not sure I will be around to see it. I am going through that not sure if I want H back thing. After being treated like second best, or maybe third after H and OW, just because it's all about him, do I really need the aggravation? And H was selfish before, just not so much, or so blunt about it, and it had been getting worse since when I think his MLC started. But then that's all past history now too. And we all know you can't go backwards. May be a good thing too...

Not only that, if I'm working on me, shouldn't I find someone that appreciates me, and will treat me better? I have been working on me, think I've found the things that need to be different, it takes time, there's plenty of that. Guess that's the good thing. I don't want to rush into another relationship, I want to get through all of this first, and deal with it all while I have the time and not focused on someone else.

More reading on the boards tonight.

[babh]

Journaling...

Ok, here goes nothing. I don't know what happened to my marriage, and will probably never really know the truth. I am working on ME, and know that I am the only one I can control. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, and asking others to do it. I feel like it's taken me a long time to get here, but here I am. I am reading self-help books, codependent no more and change your mind and you life will follow. If STBXH is having a mid life crisis, more power to him, I am going to change my life for the better, not for him, but for me.

I am tired of being a selfish, self centered and self pitying person, and I'm leaving that behind with the past. If STBXH should ever want to come back to me,then that's good, if not I will survive. I know that he has missed out on a good loving relationship, but that was HIS choice, I did not make it for him, and I couldn't have. I have tried to influence STBXH, which is wrong, and I see that now. OW showed me how to not do it, and to make it in this world, since I see how controlling she is! Thank you OW!!:P I have not been sitting around waiting for him to "wake up" or "crash" one day and remember what a great woman I am, and how much I love him. But I have been wallowing in self pity, I am NOT that person, and don't want to be! I have too many good things ahead in my future to do that, and that all starts right now:)

I have done a lot of soul searching, and have asked God for direction in my life. I know what I need to change, and I am in the process. I have been more than fair to STBXH during all of this, helped out when I shouldn't have, and not demanded that he take care of himself enough. I cancelled my insurance on the house, hang him, he needs to step up to the plate and get his own, it will soon be HIS house, not mine anymore. I got a credit check in the mail today, it was made out to him, I sent it back through the mail and told him to send me my half, sent a stamped envelope to do it in! I'm getting angry as I write this, but feel that it is a good anger, it's getting me motivated!

STBXH on the other hand, hasn't even acknowledged the settlement agreement, so it's his loss all the way around. I never did think hiding my head in the sand was the solution, and just lately realized how much he has always done that. I am moving on with my life, and hang him, he can and already is doing whatever he pleases. I am too, just within the bounds of marriage. I am going to stand for my marriage, and will be a better person if STBXH ever decides to come back to "us" and start a new and better R. Thanks all for "listening"!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!