I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

CG, I really hope the things I tried last year and continue to work on with my friends and daughters helps my in the next relationship.

I don't feel so much like a failure anymore. The more I look back at our relationship the more I realize it was only going to work with a lot of work. I was willing and she wasn't -- I can speculate and have speculated as to way, but only she really knows. We are definitely not an easy match.

I'm proud of a lot of what I've done. I've built a whole new network of friends. I'm not chasing after happiness in a bottle in a bar. My dad fell to pieces -- eventually -- after my parents divorced. I know now that's not going to happen. I've got too many people looking out for me.

The last part -- being cold and distant. That's tough. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to be in the same room with her without being guarded. I've never been good at hiding my feelings. That's why my friends all like to play cards with me. In a way, this is like a poker game. I was "all-in" with her. She knows all of my hangups and secrets and ways to hurt me. I bet on her and lost and now I don't feel like being friends.