I have to disagree that last year meant nothing. IMO you stretched what was "normal" for you and really learned to do things in a new way. Listening and validating don't really seem to be your thing but you learned a new skill that will help you in all other areas of your life (professional, parenting, dating). Was that for NOTHING? If you feel it was for nothing then then the only reason you did it was to "win" your W back and that is hollow. If you did it for you (and maybe to alter the dynamic the two of you share) then it was all for SOMETHING.
You can change the dynamic but you and you along can't "build" a better R with anybody but yourself. It seems to me you see yourself as a failure because your W has not budged in her stance. If you tried and put yourself out there you didn't fail. You may have not gotten the results you wanted but is that really failing?
The thing is you are making YOUR internal battles HER obstacles by being so cold and distant. And isn't that exactly what she did to you that you found so very hurtful?
