H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

I'm moving over here. I'm pretty sure that my 34 year old h is having a mid life crisis. To say the very least he is depressed. A year ago he would not utter the word depressed. But he is using the word now and actually admits that he is depressed. Still thinks he is a man and should be able to push through though. He thinks medication is for "wimps". He is a man so no medication for him. Frustrating.

We've been in a spiral with my H leaving and returning multiple times over the last year. Each time he comes home I can confirm with phone records that the OW has stopped talking with him. Almost Every time he breaks down crying and tells me he is unhappy with himself, life, work, money. Everything! Yet he still will do anything he can to get this ow to talk with him. He's left threatening messages with her and phones her multiple times. Really juvenile and not who I married. He has begun doing the same to me when I pull away from his drama and live my life. Then he figures he can't get ow and comes home to the dog and I. I'm almost confident that the high he gets from the disfunctional relationship with her is his way of self medicating. He seems to enjoy the chase. I did contact ow back in aug when my h left again. She and I had a very nice chat and she was appalled at how much he has lied to her. She claims she doesn't want to be the OW and doesn't want to break up a m..... But she is. She is 24 by the way. Much younger. She claims that after the initial anger wears off she does feel sorry for him and that is why she talks with him. Even after my h called her parents, sent them text messages about her being a home wrecker she still talks with him. I personally think she enjoys the attention to some degree.

Well now he has currently been back home for almost four weeks. If we make it to Monday that will be a record he over the last couple of days has become very distant and withdrawn. I get the feeling he is talking with ow but I can't confirm it. Or maybe he is upset because he can't get her to be a part of his life. I did have to go to court on my with my h lawyer. I refused to sign the form for confirmation of issues that wad due back in sept. So you go to court. Actually you meet with the commissioner. But I was very proud of myself for standing up there on my own and defending my m. The commissioner wanted to know why I didn't sign the form. I told him that my h actions have been VERY inconsistent over the last year and hd has now moved home AGAIN. H is also requesting sn extension of trial date so we can maybe reconcile. So I told him my intuition and gut feeling on it were correct. My h lawyer confirmed that he wants to file the extension and that was it. We have to wait and see if the judge will sign the extension. I'm sure he will. Especially because I filed earlier in sept that I revoked the joiner I signed agreeing to a divorce because I thought counseling would be good. We will see though.

For now I'm living with a man child who may or may not be home tonight. I half expect him to go back to his moms. Time will tell though. He just seems very down, irritable and lost. I can only live my life though. Not his.