MLC or just an EA?

[angel61]

Pickle, thank you. I feel good having someone think the way I do.
Because of the moral and religous dilemma I am in, plus the different kinds of advice I have been getting, I went to see a therapist just now that I got from a Christian site. I told her that I can't help but think that allowing my H some space is almost like condoning what he is doing, which we know is not "right". Many friends, and this forum, have seemed to be more on giving ultimatums.
What she said was this: "Giving him an ultimatum if he is not ready, if he is confused, can just push him into doing the "bad deed", and would not be helping him. Waiting, being patient, giving him time - may lead to him finding the right path, and ultimately, seeking forgiveness. "
Like you, I believe in the goodness of my spouse. I am willing to give him a chance, but exactly how to do that, how to hold back, how to detach, the level of detachment - all these are confusing to me. I think I have chosen my option, and now just need to find the exact path to do it.
Hope we can communicate more, Pickle. Share what works and what doesn't. I see your bomb is even more recent than mine.

Re: Yellow light - means hold off, I am feeling guilty, lets just be friends. For a while, OW seemed to start responding to my H, and started sending SMS and emails signifying that she was reciprocating (like saying I miss you, wish you were here, etc). Then on a business meeting (we all work in the same line), for some reason , maybe to prove that they are just friends, H invited me to meet up with OW. I agreed, and she and I actually had a good talk - she asked me about our life, D11, and I described them to her, with H actually contributing to the conversation.
H then told me 2 weeks later that the OW was telling him that she felt guilty about breaking up our family. I actually had that feeling already, from noticing a subtle change in the way her texts to my H were (I can't help it, I snoop!).
The thing I noticed about my H though was that instead of acting depressed because his "love interest" changed, he seemed actually more lighthearted, and less restless at home. Of course, my read into that is he is relieved from the burden of making a decision - the OW made it and pushed it into a safer realm. But I still see him trying to pursue her, still replying to her "friendly" emails in a loving way.