Until you show these people that you are NOT fooling around and you will follow through with exactly what you say, they will continue to stomp on you.
I understand you need your H for childcare and I am sure that adds many layers of stress. But things like supporting the family or caring for the children are not optional and cannot be "made right" by bringing you lunch.
If you set boundaries and your H chooses not to honor them you will have to step it up and explore your options legally. Acting like an ass is one thing, failing to support the children by not depositing money in the account is another.
