It is hard. Forgiving yourself and your S is hard in my opinion. That is an understandable struggle. There is a great thread about forgiveness in one of the forum, it might be in the piecing forum
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
