Wow, you type fast! Lots of new questions for me to answer, and I’m still going over questions you raised in your last post…
All right, so here are the 180’s I have done and stuck with. Most have been in place for about 2-3 months, and I don’t want to give them up. Not now or ever.
I lost 42+ pounds. Not such a big deal on this board, but after the initial stress weight loss, I kept it going by addressing my emotional eating issues and starting to work out regularly.
I got a job outside the home. I was running a home daycare, but there was no insurance and it didn’t bring in enough money. I went back to work in an office, even though it meant I had to put D3 in daycare.
I started dressing better and wearing makeup regularly. It started because I was so happy to fit back into my old “skinny” clothes again. This helped my self esteem so much I do it all the time, and I don’t worry if H will see how I look anymore or not.
I quit asking questions. No more where are you.., what are you doing,.. when are you going to get your own place,.. do you think there is hope for us… All stopped. Cold turkey. Yes, I still ask those questions, but only here and to myself. Stopping myself from asking them at all may help me to really begin to detach.
I quit snooping. Only about a month ago, but I stopped in order to detach from my H. I think at this point I have nothing else I need to learn and it just makes me crazy.
I adopted a relaxed, happy attitude whenever I spoke with or saw H. I have pulled this off well for about 1 ½ months, but I need to make it sink in deeper for myself. It does help my PMA, even when I am just bluffing. More and more often though, I am “making it” instead of “faking it.”
I started going out more with friends. Not enough, but I let H’s unstable schedule get in my way. I plan to ask him to stick to a more predictable schedule in the future so I can make plans better.
I quit avoiding the in-laws. Easier with some than others, but that is kind of how it goes for now…
Not sure if this qualifies, but I stepped back and let my H parent more. You could even say I forced him to stop using me as a crutch. This was my first 180, and was immediately after H made the ILYBNILWY speech. One of his complaints was that I didn’t “let” him parent. My first thought was WTF?! I have been begging you to help me for years! When I thought about it though I realized we had a pattern. I would ask for help, and H would pitch in the bare minimum, complain about something, and I would “rescue” him and a crying D3. My 180 was to step back and tell him I was confident he could handle it. I would also redirect D3 back to him as much as I could without rejecting her myself. This was an easy 180 because I had wanted this to happen for a long time. The only thing stopping it was H’s near-panic any time he was left in charge of the baby. Once I knew he wanted to do the work, I was happy to let him. If nothing else good comes of this mess, D3’s relationship with her daddy is MUCH stronger now. I am glad for that. It is something I would not trade for anything, even to get my H to come home.
I know that I need to do more 180s, but I also have to get back to work for a bit…
