If you were really "moving on" then mediation would be done, you and your W would have a set and concrete plan in place for all aspects of the divorce and nothing would be in limbo. If you were really "moving on" you would not be on a quest to be a "better man" for your W. If you were really "moving on" you would not be wondering why your W does or says anything.
Is your W testing the waters or seeing how short a leash she still has you on? I guess only you can decide that.
When some work is required your W bails... she acted in a deplorable fashion both before, during and after Retro. She bailed on you when you were sick. She was not too pleased about the settlement the mediator told her about. But now that she needs a few things done she is "testing the waters?". I don't think so.
Either way you need to really forget about your W and the OW for a while. If anybody questions if they are in fact having an affair then chances are they ARE having an affair. If the conversations and time you spend with OW would not be things you would do in front of your W then yes, you are having an affair.
Do what you want but don't mask an affair under the guise of "moving on".
In a way I think you thrive on the drama your W creates because drama in a sick way translates to need. And you like to be needed. So you get to be needed, your W gets to act like a nutcase and everybody is "happy".
Im just saying that such highs and lows are not attributes that help a R get repaired or evolve at all. Its more of the same.
You said there was a brief time in your life where you didn't have such a deep level of self need. What was different in your life then? What was present that is missing now?
Look - we ALL have to find a balance between the "bad and good" before we can really conquer the bad. For me it's my anxiety. For you it's your neediness. It's NOT easy but really picking apart the particulars (at least for me) is the first step.
As long as anxiety is part of my life other parts of my life will suffer. As long as deep need is part of your life other aspects of your life will suffer. So we both have some work to do and some balance to attain... right?
