MLC or just an EA?

[InAPickle]

Angel, I'm going thru the same thing.
Don't be rushed into the the "After the LRT" (DR Page 218) if you are not ready for D. Everybody's been telling us to drop "ultimatum" bomb on spouse. But they don't know you and they certainly don't know your spouse.
Only my coach knows from our sessions what kind of persons we are and what the best strategy is.

My coach advised me on how to approach this moral dilemma"
Should I put my foot down and break my kid's hearts and really make myself unattractive to W, perhaps doing irreparable damage to the possibility of reconciliation, or should I remain married to a spouse who is actively seeking the affections of anOP?
I will not ruin my children's psychological, emotional and spiritual development in a hasty act of defiance. S11 is at a very vulnerable age, and I will do whatever is best for him in my own judgment.

I don't know about your spouse, but mine for as long as I've known her is a good person and a moral person - truly never a wandering eye until now. Obviously I myself have been guilty of not meeting her needs. I just told her that and told her that she is the primary role model for D16 as wife and mother. D16 is gonna find out one day, so she will have to live with that. I told her that what she is involved in is so out of character that my only conclusion is that she has taken leave of her senses and is out of her mind.

I can handle the craziness of all this and keep my wits about me, knowing in my heart of hearts this W is not the person I married. I will give the DB techniques the time they need to bring that person back, and will not give up on my M unless all hope becomes lost. Coach has been pretty much on target so far, so I recommend you get some coaching yourself. What you're getting in this forum is way, way heavy on the hard line stuff and neither of us is as far removed from Bomb day to be ready for that approach.