You know Faith, I keep thinking about your words. I do appreciate your post.
The thought that comes back to me again and again though is: His wrong doesn't absolve me of my wrong. Just because most of us would agree that he is wrong'er' seeking love elsewhere doesn't take away my responsibility in the breakdown of our marriage.
My anger does surface and I definitely think "I don't owe him s***". But it doesn't make me feel any better about my part in our relationship breaking down. I want to fix my part. I will have to do this by asking for forgiveness. I know that about myself.
I know I hurt him very, very deeply. There is no need to remind me of the hurt he has caused me, it is all over this board. My actions are what bother me the most. I can't control his. I don't want to hurt another future partner in the same way. I am fiercely independent and shut people out emotionally. It has served me well protecting myself through the years. However, there wasn't a place for it in my M. I am guilty of giving up on the M too but in a different way.
I need to continue to work through forgiving myself for my part.
I am reading the 5 languages of apology now. I will see how I feel after reading this. I won't apologize to him without running the letter by the board, if/when I do write it.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
