[quote=Furball What is more important is that I am noticing the changes in me for the first time in a long time, I feel more secure in myself and am unearthing myself from years of learned co-dependence. Thinking purely of what I need for myself (and I don't have children, so that is ok...) is very freeing.[/quote]
Congratulations. I'm glad to hear it. Keep up the hard work. We are all pulling for you.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Just wanted to get an update on my sitch and see if anyone has any advice.
It is my birthday and my wife and I have been dark for two weeks. Prior to that, we were amicably discussing a divorce settlement and we actually were really agreeable and good to one another. We even laughed a bit and conversed about other things.
Well, I hadn't expected to hear from my wife any time soon and figured any time gone dark, maybe she's re-considering. But yesterday she calls me and asks to come over. I was a bit paranoid, so I asked why. She said, "well, someone has a birthday so they shouldn't be asking that question."
She came over and gave me a cake. Blew my mind. There are no knives or anything in it. :P We had a very pleasant conversation (no R talk) where I tried to be an active listener best I could. She did say a few things about the dishes (like a better way to split them up) but no other real divorce talk. She even said I looked good and that I was funny.
Not sure what to make of all of this. I'm going to continue to GAL until she contacts me again. Any ideas/suggestions? Anyone been in a similar sitch?
I had Father's Day and Bday during 1st month of my separation. W helped celebrate both with me and got presents for my Father's Day. It's a nice gesture, but I caution over getting excited about it and advise you to keep GALing. Definitely don't pursue/initiate stuff at your end. If she is interested or having second thoughts, she will keep coming to you.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
So my wife has reached out to me after two weeks of being dark, but it is to determine when would be a good time to come get the rest of her stuff. Not the action I would have hoped after about two months of stopping the chase, not pleading, and not snooping, and GALing on my part. She was cordial about it but her business-like approach puts me off.
Vets, how should I respond? I don't want to be divorced but I do have to drop the rope some time. I am thinking I am going to go with a "I don't want you to move completely out, but if you feel that's what you need to do, then I would prefer it be X out of the days you mentioned."
I feel for you, this sucks, no way around it. My sitch is similar but a little different, I have 2 small kids and wife admitted EA/PA, says she is in love with OM. She moved out about 4 weeks ago, said she needed to figure out her feelings (for OM apparently), I told her that I would not be in our marriage while she 'dated' another man, both been to attorney, should have paperwork filed next week for divorce.
You're young, you don't have kids, ask yourself if this is really the kind of woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with? My wife had no respect and no appreciation for me, I decided that I deserved better and have been GAL'ing.
You need to ask yourself the hard questions, why are you hanging on to this woman?
Check out this book, it was a huge help to me: No More Mr. Nice Guy.
She was cordial about it but her business-like approach puts me off
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The WAW does so much in the business like manner. This is normal.
Quote:
Vets, how should I respond? I don't want to be divorced but I do have to drop the rope some time. I am thinking I am going to go with a "I don't want you to move completely out, but if you feel that's what you need to do, then I would prefer it be X out of the days you mentioned."
If you have already stated your feeling about her moving out then you need not state them again. She knows how you feel.
I think the best thing to do is to reply back and let her know she can come by the house when you weren't there.
When my W moved out I originally said I would help her. As the day approached I told her I couldn't do it. She understood.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
