ok. i will try this because it will help me focus on what is or isn't important.
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You almost always say it's hopeless but now you admit you wanted to save it.
when i started here, i wanted to save it. i didn't think our issues were that difficult to solve. i remember saying "i want to save my marriage. i'm not interested in saving myself from the grips of depression because that is inevitable." the negative talk. as the days went on, i started to see that i needed to GAL, put on a happy face, and find that person he fell in love with. so i started making a list of things i wanted to do. i found something that made me smile and focus. i don't know if that was the best plan. but over the summer, i felt better about myself. i had the occasional meltdown whenever my lawyer contacted me but otherwise, the GAL saved me. the reason why i'd have a meltdown when the lawyer called ..was because in the back of my mind, i was always hoping he would change his mind. and when the lawyer called, it usually meant that there was movement from his side. and so my hopes were crushed.
i think about why i want to save this marriage. it's an exercise in listing of pros and cons.
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What matters now is that you objectively review some of the upsides to getting free of this crazy relationship.
if i follow your advice to keep it simple, it might be easier to review the upsides.
thanks 25 .. i feel less defensive.
btw, the next thing i am going to work on with my ic is what's behind the anger. anger is a shield that is hiding the true emotion .. could be shame, fear, or something else. and i definitely know there is shame and fear behind my anger.
