GW, Sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment. I couldn't tell from your summary whether you/your wife have a counsellor? I found ours to be invaluable in giving my H strategies to get past the ADDICTION to the OW, as well as sorting out why he had the void in him that required a fantasy relationship to fill, in addition to giving us exercises which strengthened our bond. I don't believe we'd have been able to heal our marriage without this expert assistance.
Our C specialized in marriage & family therapy as well as addiction recovery, which I found to be a very useful combination.
If I could suggest one thing, try not to put all your energy into worrying about her. She may contact OM again; she may decide to run; she may be depressed for some time longer: all this is unknowable. So focus on what you do know: even in a worst case scenario, you will be fine without her. And then do something to take care of yourself during this stressful time. Besides, the more self-reliant she sees you being, the more attractive you will be.
