But that 29 hours of going dark was tough on my family... They had nom idea why I just sat in the bathtub, dark room for 6 hours that night. I hate not being able to function for my kids.
I know, I know... I'm rationalizing. But I do feel I need to pick a day/ time when I don't need to be " on" and functioning well. Right now I'm chairing several events for my kid's schools with big deadlines approaching, many meetings. In a way, that is good because I can put my time, thoughts, energy there instead of into "chess".
Also, this weekend, H and I will be attending a dress-up adults only fundraiser for school... I thought I'd put alot of time and energy into dressing up for H. He's usually the type to say don't worry about make-up,etc. Because I don't need it -- but in a way, I think I do in order to feel sexy for him? And, then I could just give him alot of attention... Maybe even a real kiss? We are usually so busy working these events that we don't have time to enjoy them as a couple, but I intentionally did NOT volunteer us for clean-up, etc. Not expecting alot, but just trying to switch those fantasies to my H. And my REAL life.
