Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Girls got their report cards yesterday. D11 got several A's, a couple of B's and no C's. She lifted her math grade from an F to a B from midterm.
D8 received mostly Cs, 1 B and 2 A's. She was very excited. I was too. No D's or F's. She tends to do better as the year goes on so this was a good starting point -- although I'd still rather she repeat third grade anyway.
Had D8 last night -- I'm getting one or the other on Tuesdays until the week of Dec. 10 because of a scheduling thing. She really wanted to go bowling so we went.
Great time. Great night.
I thank God that I don't have to live with the guilt of breaking up the family. That's STBXW's cross to bear.
A couple of interesting things. After bowling we watched the Wizards of Waverly Place movie. There's a part in it where Alex, the flighty daughter, wishes her parents never met while they are on a family vacation. It comes true -- she's a wizard after all -- and they have to spend the rest of the movie trying to fix the wish.
In the end, she gets a magic crystal and has just one wish and says "I wish everything was the way it used to be."
I had a mini-meltdown because it reminded me of the October 2008 trip to Disney World. I thought at the time it would be our last family trip -- things were going downhill fast -- and I sat there last night wishing I could make that wish because ... I don't know, I felt like I could have fixed it.
Unproductive thought. The feeling just snuck up on me.
One other thing. D8 is struggling with a girl on the playground who keeps picking at her. She told me about it, asked for some advice. Then I had her talk to D11 for some advice.
D11 must have told STBXW because she texts me a couple of questions and says in the text that she talked to the principal about this last week.
STBXW didn't tell me she talked to the principal. I'm guessing this is going to be a tug-of-war for a while. She wants regularly scheduled phone conversations while I just want to exchange info like this by email.
She easily could have sent me an email letting me know. I'm just noting it here as something I'm going to have to monitor.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
That is awesome about your D bringing her F up to a B! Maths is hard!
It's nice to remember back in the past about the way things were and how we wish they could be... but you're right. It's totally unproductive nostalgia/wishful thinking.
With STBXW, you are going to have to both possibly talk a little to set down how things are going to work between you as coparents. She wants phone calls, you want e-mail. STBXW may be seeing you not wanting to talk as you not wanting to know (I know playing a little devil's advocate). You need to communicate with her and let her know you want to know about these things. Also you could have e-mailed her to ask if she had heard about it.
There is always two sides to everything. You are not perfect and neither is she. You need to communicate with her as much as she with you. Maybe STBXW didn't think it was a big deal because she handled it. This is something to politely let STBXW know that you would like to know about. Maybe if you start a weekly e-mail that details things like what the girls told you about school, what homework you did, big outings they may talk about, etc. (just informational). Then maybe she will follow suit, and say D8 told her about the bully and she called the principal. Someone has to start the positive communication, and whether through e-mail, text, phone, doesn't matter. It just matters that you both know the important things.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
I will send her an email tonight about two things -- talking with the principal and the past couple of weeks aides at the school don't want me walking D8 to class. They told me "they'd" decided she should go out on the playground before school.
I was wondering who "they" were and why I wasn't notified.
I really wish the D was done so I didn't have to tap dance on stuff like this.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Just be careful that you aren't accusatory. Also give an olive branch of sorts in that you also let her know what is happening with you and the girls. I completely agree that you need to be notified if decisions are made about the girls, but STBXW may not have known and it might have been the aides and the teacher who decided it is best for D8. Maybe they feel she needs that time to catch up with friends before school so she doesn't talk as much during class time. If they run around, maybe she needs that time to let some energy out and they noticed when she does that it helps her focus better. Maybe the teacher needs the time to prepare since it is her time to get prepared for the day. There are many of reasons, and it is important that if you want e-mail to be the main form of communication that you be careful with the wording and make it an open e-mail so STBXW feels like she is able to communicate with you in that way.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
STBXW didn't tell me she talked to the principal. I'm guessing this is going to be a tug-of-war for a while. She wants regularly scheduled phone conversations while I just want to exchange info like this by email.
What if you agreed with her? Just once ...
What if you didn't look to argue with her? Just once ...
What if you just listened to what she had to say without rushing to judge her? Just once ...
That 0.000001% chance you talk about ........
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
