Last night, driving home from work I start crying in the car. And crying before I go to bed thinking of how I hate that I'm getting a D. I hate D. It sucks. People who hven't been on the receiving end of this BS, have no idea/cannot fathom how ugly it is. I wanted to send H a text but didn't. But I had a moment where I really wnated to.
Driving in rush hou this morning, I start thinking about the girl giving my H a bl-w job. I know. Bad thought. But it's waht was on my mind. I wonder if he regrets telling me the details. Why did he tell me? Why if he wanted a D anyway? I remembered how we we went to dinner in the summer and him asking me if I ever regretted anything in my life. I said I regretted leaving my studies halfway done long ago and asked him if he regretted anything. He said he regretted getting married. And said he didn't meant it personally, just that he felt our r dynamic changed after we M'ed. Okaay. I wouldn't say that to him ever. I wonder if he knows my pain. If he knows he broke my heart... (I told him this once). Does he know, really know? I also feel cnoflicted cause I have guilt from moving out of our home. So it's a double-edged sword. It's like a whirlwind.
I know all of this is "unproductive thoughts" like Clinging says. But I still wonder and hate that this was the end result.
Violin, that's geat that you have found that DB tools work on your W. LOL. So what were you exact words to her?
Bobbi, I do think you can love someone too much, also.
I never want to love someone like taht again. There, I said it.
Got a crazy ass week in front of me ... 3 exams, 1 lab and a paper all within the next 5 days...
