Here's a concept: Listen to your intuition, your inner voice. Your gut rarely steers you wrong.
Also.. what does it indicate when a question needs so much input? Here's a little thing I follow.
If it's right, the answer is yes. If it's wrong, the answer is no. If I can't decide or waffle, the answer is no.
If you want my input, it's G. If you fret this much after a single smooch, imagine how anxiety producing anything else would be. After all, it should be from YOUR perspective, what you're looking for rather than him (describing and/or making excuses for his behavior).
You said it better than I did Gypsy
When embarking on new relationships, our guts are better guides than our heads or other people's opinions.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
If I am attracted to you and I think we have good chemistry but you don't get back to me within a day or two at the most, then I think you are not interested.
Agreed. If I hear nothing for a few days, I consider you are "just not that into me." LOL
Originally Posted By: SunFunOne
This cougar says - stop sweating. The world is your oyster right now. Just see what plays out and keep all your options open.
Awesome advice.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
If it's right, the answer is yes. If it's wrong, the answer is no. If I can't decide or waffle, the answer is no.
Maybe it's time for us to read "He's Just Not That Into You."
I don't try to figure out guys' excuses anymore since I took this to heart. In fact, I am kind of ruthless now and don't stand for too much hesitation or coyness; I mean, within reason. I just don't take their calls, emails, etc, much less go out with them anymore.
It has been my experience that if a guy really wants to be with you, nothing on this earth will stop him. They will give you the full court press, unless they are painfully shy. And that doesn't seem to be the problem with surfer dude.
Maybe I'm just too impatient, or it's because I'm getting older, but I just don't believe in wasting time on this crap anymore.
Nah, you're not impatient. You are wise. It's true... if someone wants to be with you, they will. Excuses, hesitation, standing someone up, overriding plans all = lame and a waste of time. Life is too short to pine for people who aren't 100% into you and aren't willing to give back their equal share, right?
I love that book! It is the cold hard truth, and it goes both ways.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
It's also about personal preferences. If you make up the excuse that he is "too busy", "shy", "not sure" etc. -- think about whether that's the kind of guy you want to be with, even for a fling? I love that my guy is confident enough to "go for it" and motivated enough to make his desire to see me very clear even when his schedule doesn't make it easy -- and he was like this after our very first date.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So true, Flowmom. And honestly guys, for me, it's not really about this particular guy - I mean, I liked him, but I don't KNOW him yet. I was just hoping to have some fun dates and maybe break my celibacy streak! And he seemed like the best offer I'd had in a while. Sadly, those four guys I described have been the best of the bunch lately!
That is one thing that has been good about depressed East Coast Suitor. Although he's 3,000 miles away, depressed and covered in red flags - HE thinks I'm grand, compliments me often, writes to me daily, and reminds me what it is like when a guy is really into you. Now, if I could just find a local, NON-depressed, (maybe taller) guy who felt the same way........
And Barb - you're right, really - any guy who doesn't think I'm a fabulous catch AND has the cojones to keep up with me, isn't worth my time.
As for the "follow your intuition" approach - I'm cautious about that. Sometimes it's not intuition, just pheromones. And they can get us into trouble, lol. I have to be careful and make sure I'm not just jumping a guy cuz he smells good and it's been a while.
It's also about personal preferences. If you make up the excuse that he is "too busy", "shy", "not sure" etc. -- think about whether that's the kind of guy you want to be with, even for a fling?
HAHA! I LOVE this thinking! Especially the aprt on the end!!!
Originally Posted By: kml
Sometimes it's not intuition, just pheromones. And they can get us into trouble, lol. I have to be careful and make sure I'm not just jumping a guy cuz he smells good and it's been a while.
Don't confuse your intuition with your hormones! A lot of times one's lady parts say YES YES YES and your brain knows the answer should be HELL NO. Heehehehe. Nature of the beast and all.
Nah, you're not impatient. You are wise. It's true... if someone wants to be with you, they will. Excuses, hesitation, standing someone up, overriding plans all = lame and a waste of time. Life is too short to pine for people who aren't 100% into you and aren't willing to give back their equal share, right?
Kimmie, get the book. It's funny!
I think I will. I've been wanting to read it for quite awhile now.
Great book. I even have a 3 x 5 card stuck in the visor of my car to remind me "he's just not that into you" - from when I was getting over the last boyfriend. It helped!
