New Knitting

[NotCrackingUp]

Hi Piano,
I know what you mean about not being able to find the right tone in communication. It must be even harder when you never see him and with a new baby and all the upheaval that entails. Not only is the baby the centre of your world, but I know it took me a good 12 months each time to get back to "normal", physically and emotionally after the birth. And my life with H was fine, then.

I met my H this morning. i had to take the kids to twn to hand them over, he wanted us to go for coffee. The cafés on the market square were shut (armistice-day hols tomorrow), so I said I'd make tracks and see him around. But he insisted. So we found an open establishment. He started to talk about Christmas, wants to spend it with us, if that's okay by me. I suppose he means Christmas day. I agree with that, for the children. Anyhow, I'd be miserable on my own with them on that day.Wanted to tell me about his work, courses he has to do next June and July. i just listened, then said June was a long way off. I had asked advice of PinHead, who told me to stay businesslike and not talk about the relationship and the marriage. I nearly took the advice, nearly... I said to my H that we'd have to talk, that I have been leaving him time and freedom, not asking questions, but that we do need to talk, just the two of us. He beat about the bush a lot, then, trying with difficulty not to cry (big tears about to fall and his moth working) he managed to get out "would you still want to rebuild something, even after all that happened?" If I'd taken PH's advice, I'd have said "leave it with me, I'll get back to you". But I even surprised myself by saying " I would, without hesitation, but we'd have to be two wanting that". He said he was lost, didn't know anything. Was trying to stop tears from flowing. We left it at that, but he insisted on giving me a lift to the shopping centre, where I was heading on foot. I stayed calm and hid my emotions. I did tell him that all that had happened had hurt a lot and that if we did rebuild, it would be from scratch.But I kept smiling. I'm a lot more relaxed than he is now, that's certain. I won't hold my breath, hope hurts, but it seems he's coming down off his high horse.I do hope all this isn't just a ploy to see where I stand. If that's the case, I did myself no favours and wil live to regret it, but I'll learn from it. If his sadness is genuine, he may be on the way back, but it could take ages and it'll have to.I'd never have made a poker-player, that's certain.

So there you have the latest. He's just phoned now to ask me some question about an English slogan he needs for something. Didn't really need to ring, he knew the answer. Strange.
All this is bad for the old blood-pressure!
NCU