ok so what do you all reckon about the email I got from him , basically :
He says he has also been thinking alot.
He says he came out of our relationship very hurt and angry.
his aim out of this 'separation'(his qoutes) was to improve both of our lives.
He says that he feels seeing other people and us starting over are similar things as we have to get to know the people we are today and not the people that got married 10 years ago
He says he 'acted out' over the last 7 months (him out house), and hes been on a few dates and saw an american woman for a few days overseas(this is the one he was chatting to on skype/email) and he owes her a holiday here in our country now.
He says Me and S remain his highest priority and if I want to try again or start over then we should talk about what that means, but he has no idea if that would help either becasue we both know how it ended the first time.
Having said that he says he doesnt resent coming to the house anymore, he makes time for it, and says thats very different to how he wanted to drive his car off a cliff a year ago at the thought.
He says he even turned on our gas braai and made us a meal on the weekend becasue he actually WANTED to, so in a weird way maybe its already strated but applying pressure wont help.
He says he's not sure if I love him or the idea of him. he says hes not the same person now that he was in the marriage. he wants more interaction, more sex and more LIFE.
He said he knew i'd be upset after redaing all this, and will be dissapointed in him, and thats fair, and he has no excuses for whats happened. He said perhaps I deserve a better man, and the he is just a despicable human being. he says he was in a life/death situation and had to get out.
He says we have both now agreed we cant go back to what it was, and it scares him to death to talk about the future, becuase its like giving 'that life' another chance.
he says he has thought about reconcilation a thoussand times, and that he carrries huge guilt and pain.
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So basically in short i replied that he is not a despicaple human being, I didnt know he was that unhappy, and that i would have done anything in my power to make him not feel that way had he told me his feelings and opened up before it got to that point.
I said that we should just be friends for now as we are both letting things sink in.
He seems ok, but still up down in his moods...and very stressed with work.
So what do I do everyone?
I also took the pressure off him by saying that he didnt have to respond to my last email if it made him uncomfortable and he could if he felt like it.(I asked him if he still had feelings for me, and if he had sex with any of the dates).
In a previous email i set a boundry about seeing anyone else while we are married/or at least being open about it so I can move on mentally.
I said also that I felt like he had alot of buried resentment and anger and that it contorted some of the things he was thinking about our past - I proved that by correcting him on some things, which he then agreed and said he could see how he got it twisted.
All in all progress in terms of understaning eachother, but other than that i don't know what to do.
Also what are the differences between how you treat your H if he's in a MLC or if he's a WAS. Which do all of you think this is?
