Let's face it, look at the media and these people a constantly seeing sex. I also think that they know deep down that there is supposed to be great sex in a marriage. Heck, if they read any of the relationship experts in book or magazines, they are going to find out that they are not living up to expectations of OTHER people. I have yet to read ANY relationship book that will tell you that it is possible to have a great marriage without great sex. As they all put it, the only way to have a great, sexless marriage is if you marry another LD spouse. I think that in my wifes case, she KNOWS she is not very sexual and HATES anything that will remind her of that fact, and therefor AVOIDS the issue whenever possible. HD spouses also do this, but just on other issues. Everybody recognizes their weaknesses and tends to avoid them when ever possible.
Also, LD spouses hate to be told they are dysfunctional in anyway. My wife has gotten very angry at me for even suggesting she is dysfunctional, EVEN THOUGH IT IS CALLED "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder(Dysfuntion)". Can you imagine going to the Doctor because you feel under the weather only to have the Doctor say "I know your under the weather, I know what your illness is, but I better not tell you as you might get mad if you hear the medical term."
Until you can somehow get the LD spouse to understand that they have a problem, it appears that not much will get accomplished. Us HD spouses must fix as much as we can about the relationship, but it still requires the LD spouse to acknowledge there is a problem. Funny thing about the definition of "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Dsyfuntion" is this, that it is NOT a dysfunction if it does not cause relationship problems between spouses, but if it does cause stress between the spouses, it is a MAJOR(and the experts EMPHASIZE MAJOR) problem that the couple should seek immediate relational help from trained therapists.
I think that 90% of the battle is just getting a LD spouse to understand that sex is an emotional need NOT a physical need. I know that my wife has needs, but I don't think there is anyway to really describe a man's sexual need, because the man's sexual need is driven so hard by testosterone. It has to be about as bad as someone that needs a fix on drugs. About the only time in my wifes life that I could say that she has had this kind of need that is so physically driven would be in those few seconds right before climax for her. You know the point in sex where the women is just before orgasm and begs you not to stop what you are doing. This is about the only time I have ever seen a women have a physical need for something that is as intense a need that men have to put up with 24/7. It never goes away.
