Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Journaling and stuggling.

It feels like we at a crossroads. Maybe I just know too much from my WAS that had an EA. It sounds like they all go thru this but maybe don't share. I don't know. I know my W is suddenly having lots of feelngs for OM. A comment that she felt like the novel/movie the Bridges of Madison County.

I sense that I am losing her. It feels like we are really heading downhill fast right now. Its all about her feelings for OM. It feels like I am losing her...and I told W that. She replied that she was very sad that she was making me feel that way and was sorry. Key though, she didn't say I was wrong. I mentioned that. Then I got the same kind of thing that she is trying to deal with all this right now, to let her deal with it.

And a comment about the financial obligations we have ourselves in now that we were piecing, how she couldn’t get her mind around the financial security aspect of things before, there is no way she could get her mind wrapped around it now. Then she said great, now you are thinking if it wasn’t for this house, then I’d be leaving. I admitted that had crossed my mind.

I validated her feelings, that they were hers and I couldn’t change them and that they are important but that I was having trouble understanding how drastically they had changed since Aug.

The anger inside me wants to just how her the financial situation and say here’s how we would do it and give her the get out of the M card that I wonder if she is looking for. Oh, and FMV, no date night tonight. Couldn’t find a sitter for the kids and that almost led to an argument because I was still calling around and W said its too late now, we have to cancel it.
Just to make things a littel more interesting, she has leaves for a week for business trip on Sunday afternoon.

So what now I debate? Do I continue to try to re-ignite the spark and fill her love tanks with her LLs? Do I start to go distant and just give space? Or? Things were going great, right till the point where feelings for OM resurfaced and she keeps telling me she just needs to deal with them

Not having a good day