MHL, thank you for your very thought-provoking posts........Sincerely. You are helping me and many of us process our thoughts on these issues,.....and I hope that writing these posts helps you to process your thoughts too. I plan to reply tomorrow evening when I have more time. Just got home from TT with XH and I want to journal about it before I forget.
Hadn't heard from XH since TT last week (same as week before when our discussion touched a nerve ----- no communication all week except for TT). Yesterday morning I called to reserve the table for TT this thursday. Found out the community center is closed for Veterans Day. Reserved tuesday (today) instead. Emailed XH to tell him that I had to switch days and if he was available it would be fun to play. If he wasn't available, told him I could certainly use the time to practice my serves.
XH emailed back 20 minutes later "As much as I would love to hold you to one point......I will have to wait a week for that."....and then some chatty stuff.........OK I think. I changed the day because the center wasn't open. He has plans. I need to practice my serves. No big deal.
Fast forward to today..........1:30pm today I receive a text from XH saying "TT tonite? 6pm?" I text "Yes! Great! Think I can get there between 6-6:30pm". He texts back "In Wisconsin (on business)....C U then!"............Not sure what changed. Pretty interesting.
........So we played our weekly TT game this evening for 1 1/2 hours. Very relaxed and fun! XH was stuffing TT balls into his spandex shorts because he didn't have any pockets in those shorts........says the balls kind of chafe him (smiling). XH says he hurt his shoulder yesterday doing biceps curls........I say "Oh! Let me check that out!" and squeeze his bicep, then say "NIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!" (In all honesty, it was pretty firm.) He pretends to pull away a little out of modesty, but lets me squeeze. He smiles when I admire his muscle.
I tell XH about the TT league the night before. This time I was paired with some "big guns". Told XH that the week before there were 4 older gentlemen sitting behind me while I warmed up before play. Said they were watching my tu$hie.......and after I missed several balls volleyed to me I told them "Fellas, you might want to cross your legs or you could get hurt". XH looked at me and laughed. I could see the surprise on his face that I'd flirted with them.
There was a meeting of a grade school age girls' club in the room next door ("The Daisies") and we hear them singing songs, wearing purple outfits, and waving daisies. Cute!! At the end of the meeting the little girls peered at us through the windows in the doors..their noses pressed against the glass. We laugh about how we have performance anxiety and that we need to watch our language (no cursing in front of "the Daisies").
We walk to our cars and chat for 20 minutes. After a few minutes XH asks what the forensic analysis showed. I tell him that the analysis didn't rule out anyone. I say that I'm not pursuing it further at this time, Mr. CSI said we need full inkprints and that if he wanted to get inkprints from anyone Mr. CSI will do the comparison......I ask XH "Would it really make a difference to you to find out BMF sent it?" XH says "I don't want to believe that BMF sent it". I ask again "But would it really make a difference to you?" (because, of course, this the question in my mind------warm up that 2 x 4 MHL ). XH says "It makes a difference because of your security". (Interesting response. That surprised me.) We chat about other topics and surprisingly, I sense from XH that he has let down his guard with me....... His guard is STILL down. I'm surprised. I had thought that the exchange 2 weeks ago jeopardized that, but we seem to have resumed the friendly R we had before that "discussion". Interesting........Like Cas says about her H, my XH seems to be much more stable and recovers more quickly from difficult situations than he did for the first 2 years post-bomb (as MHL put it: "I think your XH is out of crisis mode, not done with it but not in the storm"....I agree.)
During this convo I tell XH that I have been asked to help tie up a loose end that I left dangling when I left my previous position. I'm the only person with the expertise needed and the project manager was a real a$$ when he pressured me to help. I tell XH "I am SOOOOOOO glad to be out of that place!" (and I mean what I'm saying. He can tell I am sincere.) "They sucked me dry." I tell XH what the a$$inine project manager said to me ("Do you want to be a co-author on this manuscript?") I tell XH what I wanted to say to project manager was "This project cost me my M.".........and the remarkable thing here is that I see that XH's eyes are soft and receptive,......... not angry or defiant like they were during crisis mode. Can't read his mind. Just thought that was noteworthy.
At the end of the convo, XH reaches forward to hug me goodbye. Brief but warm hug..........That's it for TT this week........I'm having lunch with X-SIL on saturday. She sent me several e-mails today. Interesting.
XH says he hurt his shoulder yesterday doing biceps curls........I say "Oh! Let me check that out!" and squeeze his bicep, then say "NIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!" (In all honesty, it was pretty firm.) He pretends to pull away a little out of modesty, but lets me squeeze. He smiles when I admire his muscle.
XH looked at me and laughed. I could see the surprise on his face that I'd flirted with them. 
). XH says "It makes a difference because of your security". (Interesting response. That surprised me.) We chat about other topics and surprisingly, I sense from XH that he has let down his guard with me....... His guard is STILL down. I'm surprised. I had thought that the exchange 2 weeks ago jeopardized that, but we seem to have resumed the friendly R we had before that "discussion". Interesting........Like Cas says about her H, my XH seems to be much more stable and recovers more quickly from difficult situations than he did for the first 2 years post-bomb (as MHL put it: "I think your XH is out of crisis mode, not done with it but not in the storm"....I agree.)
