Regardless of why you felt suicidal, you need to get help for that. I hope you are. Explaining it is not solving it. Congitive analysis is not curative in itself, obviously. Death is no solution. Please seek out IC for THAT...and whatever else it leads to in your life, b/c I think it affects more than you realize.
Second, If your h SAYS and or ACTS as if he wants you to stay away from him, I have no idea who would tell you to go talk to him? That's strange advice. From what you describe, he has certainly demonstrated his desire not to share your company. Don't try to contact him except thru L's. Given the givens, It would look like stalking to most people b/c he's made it clear he doesn't want any contact with you. He leaves when you enter a gym.
(Elsewhere in your posts you say he greeted you in the hall of your common building, but you refuse to reply in kind...so I'm confused there. Why you live in the same building, why he'd greet you if he fears you, why you'd refuse to respond if you want a reconciliation...but No Matter! Finding consistency in your posts is just not that important anymore, compared to you getting help for your underlying issues. I don't want to harp and argue on details when energy should be spent on GAL and dealing with underlying issues.)
If the other things you say are true, you are describing a mafia like man as your soon to be ex h. To that I say, good riddance.
And where the head goes, the heart will follow. When you keep it simple, and know you are not losing a loving healthy man, or seeing the end of a good m, (regardless of who did what) but instead you are gaining freedom from fear and lunacy and a sick R that brought out the worst in both of you. So perhaps your head will lead your heart to the kind of life a healthy person leads.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
