It's not over till it's over right?

[lostandconfused6]

So, i think this has become more of a journal since i am the only one whoever posts on my thread anymore. But that's ok, i am going through a hard time and it is helpful to vent. So today i made things worse. I asked him if he had signed a year long lease for his apartment and he said yes. I said, " You said you didn't want to get a lease for a year b/c that would be stupid". He said that he had never said that. I told him that I was so tired of him lying and how was I supposed to settle things amicably with im if he continued to lie. I know I should never have even asked him the question to begin with, but things went downhill from there. I said " so are you planning on just separating or divorcing?" He said " Probably divorce, because I'm tired of all this". "What exactly are you tired of" I asked. He said, "You! You need to get over this already. It has been since June". Then he got and walked out just like he always does when ever i bring anything up. I know that I went against all of the 180 rules here, and I am so mad at myself for doing that. Just doing a 180 is so hard, when I am hurting so much over all of this. He is moving out in two days. I am hoping NC makes doing a 180 easier.

[lostandconfused6]

Really sad tonight. My husband is officially moving out tomorrow. I don't know how in 7 months time my whole life has fallen apart. I know everyone on this website is in the same place or has been, but at the moment I feel so alone in this. He just can't seem to let the OW go. My hope is gone because at this point I just feel so betrayed. I almost think I would have been a better place if he had never tried to reconcile. Instead what I got was a half hearted attempt, that was completely on his terms, and involved multiple breaks of NC. If he did decide he wanted to R, how would I ever trust that this wouldn't happen again? How can he do this, walk out on his wife and son? I am just so sad. When I first found out about the affair I was so scared and full of anxiety. When I thought about us not making it I was physically sick. Now I am just so full of sadness. I know I am just rambling. I am just so sad.

[Jstar]

I don't want you to feel alone, I am really sorry that youa re in this spot in your life. you can not reconcile if there is an OP.

easier said then done, but do not be around when he does move out, it may cause you more pain to watch it happen. go to the movies, drive out of town do something.

[lostandconfused6]

Thanks jstar, i appreciate the support. I am not going to be around when he leaves tomorrow. It would be incredibly hard to watch. B/c what is especially crazy is that we have remained on friendly terms through this all. I guess I have allowed that b/c I have kept a lot of this in instead of letting him see my pain. He has continued to hang out in the same room with me every night and have conversations with me. So it has been easy to be in denial. Tomorrow reality will set in.

[Jstar]

he will probably expect you to be there, stopping him or trying to, just act as if, nothing is wrong, all is good, you are to busy to even remember he is moving out, no tears no sorrow.

[Piano]

lost,
my heart goes out to you.
j-star is right. watching them move out is dreadfully painful. it was so painful for me - I had just given birth and had boxed his stuff nonetheless and then started to throw the boxes at him when he came to pick them up. so ya know, not good... :-(
It will be SO much easier to do NC when he is gone.
You will be able to pick up your self respect.
You will realise the problem is HIM, not YOU.
You will realise he cannot give you a "good" reason for breaking apart his family.
You need to stop caring about the relationship. He's putting a higher value on OW than you and your son right now. You need to take him of the pedestal.
Can you do these things?
What are your plans tomorrow?
Go for a long, long walk and don't be tempted to watch him move out or interract with him.
This WILL get better....
HUGS.

[Piano]

Also, why were you being friendly with him?
IMHO, that shoes fear...and the WAS can smell it.

[lostandconfused6]

Piano-
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I hope that nc will get easier with time. The hardest things though has been watching him walk away like our 10 years together mean nothing to him. He showed no sadness last night when we said goodbye. The only "comforting" words I got was that he knew "this was harder on him than it was on me". I wanted to hit him when he said that. Today he took everything of his that he could. Obviously wasn't hard at all for him to clear everything out.

You're right I have been way to nice to him in this all. He walks around the house in victim mode all of the time. Sometimes I forget that he was the one who had the affair. I have just wanted to save this thing so badly, and I hoped being nice, and forgiving, and trying to change would help.

[lostandconfused6]

Advice please!!!
This is day 2 of our separation. My husband moved out yesterday morning. While he was in the house, I was friendly and tried to db as much as possible. Now that he is gone what should i do? We will see each other all of the time b/c of switching off son. Do I try not to talk to him? If he texts me do i ignore? He did text me this morning to make sure my alarm had gone of for work. I just texted back thanks and that's all. It just seems weird if i want to make the relationship work to have no contact with him, but i am prepared to do that if that is the way to go. I know that he is still in touch with the OW, i just don't know how much.

[gutwrenching]

first thing you need to do is remain calm. This will get easier as time goes on. I haven't read your whole sitch, just the last few days.

So...what to do.
1) Do not answer texts even with thanks for silly stuff like alarm. If he truly CARED if you got up, he'd be there, he doesn't. If he does, he is feeling guilty and he needs to process that guilt, not have you help him with it. Answer texts that matter in terms of your son

2) Time to GAL. You need to feel good about yourself which you should. You didn't walk, you are giving it an effort. You need to be the better option. Create some mystery. New clothes, perfume, hair style, new activities. YOu are busy, you are happy. If you have to fake it at first, ok...but eventually you need to get to a place where you are happy.

3) Find internal strength. You can grow into the strength.

4) Ever heard the phrase, distance makes the heart grow stronger? There are multiple meanings to that phrase for you...so do it. NC as much as possible. Stop caring what he does, start caring about how to make your like as fulfilling as possible and he will see and wonder why.